PAUSE: A Key to Depression Prevention

Five Minute Free Write today is PAUSE.

I've written about my ongoing battle with depression several times. One of the ways I've learned to push back from the edge of the Black Hole is to PAUSE.

Do you ever have a moment where you want to freeze time and just hold still, soak it up and breathe deeply? For me - occasionally.

I love ballooning for a bunch of reasons, one of which is the PAUSE
that comes after the burner is used when there is just silence.

Do you ever have to make yourself stop, take in what is going on in your world and receive the gifts you've been given? For me - absolutely!

When I'm skirting the edge of the Black Hole of depression or getting close to falling in, I PAUSE. I look for the great things (my people), the good things (having a solid roof over my head, running water, a car to drive, food to eat) and the "daily" things t
hat have to be done but I don't always appreciate my ability to do them (cooking, cleaning, shuttling my kids around). If I PAUSE and see these things for the gifts they are, I can back away from the Hole for a few minutes, a few days, a few weeks or even, if it's sunny consistently, a few months. But I have to make myself PAUSE regularly to keep from the dark despair that comes with the Hole.

If I am IN the Hole, it's impossible or very close to it to find the good, see the great, or be amused by the "daily" stuff. That's when I go to my doctor. Modern medicine isn't the ultimate solution, but by the time I get to him, I've tried exercise, thinking happy thoughts, journaling, etc.

Like a picture captures a moment, take a moment.Stop and look around you. PAUSE.

Over My Head

For 38 days I have been dealing with a non-stop migraine. I've taken advice, been to ERs, spent the night in the hospital, shots in the butt, had full workups on my heart and head, natural medicine, acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, exercise, spiritual, psychiatric, emotional, you name it, I've done it. I still have another month to wait to see the headache specialist neurologist (yes, I'm on the cancellation list).

I couldn't see how my current situation reflected anything "courageous".
But then it occurred to me that sharing this might be:

Who I am -- Tenacious courageous woman hanging by the frayed end of the knot of my cope rope.
What I'm walking through --- Constant pain affecting every aspect of my ability to function
When - Every.single.day.
Where I am -- Desperately missing my life
Why - No one has ANY idea. There are literally thousands of thoughts, opinions and possibilities. I've heard most of them. It's too much. It will be figured out when it is. I'm working every angle and possibility that I have energy for at any given moment.

HOW am I going to deal with this?
Push through the pain.
Push away the pain medicine.
Push into hope.
Receive the help I've been given.
Receive the love provided for me.
Receive the purpose of this experience for strengthening not destruction.

To Live Courageous! is to NOT GIVE UP. To make a plan. To believe nothing awful lasts forever and even the good stuff may pass, but it will come again.

And to know that just because there is a setback, that doesn't mean you can't come back stronger, faster, smarter and better than you ever have been. I'm counting on it.