I had a Covid-19 test positive on November 23, 2020. Since then so much has changed inside my body, I don't have time to list it all. And no one really wants to know the details.
The PRESSURE of performing to the standard of what I was before I got sick is constant. Real or imagined (with a side order of mom guilt, of course), I fight all day to do what I once did (without even thinking about it), fight back the anxiety that comes when I realize I can't, fight forward for the positivity I know will get me through the day with the best outlook I can, and fight against the flashes of Covid-19 related PTSD that can (and at times, do) become crippling and shut down the whole day.
There are two key components in my fight against this PRESSURE.
Jesus and Oola (website link).
Jesus- My faith has given me what I need to navigate treacherous mental and emotional waters in the past, so I lean in like I always have, holding on tight to the One I know Who holds my past, present, and future.
Oola (What is it- YouTube video)- is a new word to me in the past few weeks but it has brought fresh hope and freedom that floods me with belief that no matter what I am facing at any moment, there is a stability to be found in the practical pursuit of balance in my unbalanced life. I have often said balance is BS - there is NO way to do it. But, Oola has proven me wrong and continues to challenge that mindset.
The PRESSURE of things feeling "off" is a constant I experience from the moment of waking to the moment of sleep. This morning, while trying to decompress from yelling at my kid from my exhausted state, a panic attack, and my phone filling with text messages of things to do, I put my Oola (link to audio book on Audible) audio book on to center my focus on what I can do, today, to move forward with being me, today, right where I am, struggles and all
There is PRESSURE all around us about who and what we should do and be. Sometimes, it gets to me, but now, more frequently than before, I let it drive me forward, like catching a wave and riding it to the shore.
If you want to know more about Jesus or Oola, let me know. They are both super rad! One saved my soul and life and the other is saving my mind and body.