Showing posts with label laugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laugh. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2020

Our Anniversary is the Only Holiday We Earn



Our first decade we spent growing up, making ridiculous financial decisions, fighting, and transitioning our lives from southern California to north Idaho living. We found a church home, grew in our faith, and wrestled with the discomfort of identity crisis and infertility. We stretched in ways we did not know we could move, and we bent in places that had no joint. And we celebrated 10 years by renewing our vows with our close friends. It was only the beginning of knowing what those vows meant.


Our second decade we spent trying to figure out how to grow together despite our differences. How to lean into the friendship we built, connect on a deeper level with the dear ones around us as our prayers were answered and we became parents. Moving from the house we built together to make room for Erik’s mom to move in with us for a season, learning to live together within the challenge of navigating post-partum depression, the loss of a baby, and parenting three under five tested our relationship in ways we could never have imagined. And we celebrated 20 years by renewing our vows with close friends and family. It was another chapter of understanding what those vows meant.



Our third decade is almost over. We have spent it growing with our kids in developmental stages of parenting as they challenge and change us in new ways. Another identity crisis, more tears and choices, more transitions, overcoming and investing in the ones God’s called us to, outside of our bloodline. There are many who pray and remind us of how far we have come and how God’s amazing Grace provides for our every need, daily. Without them I do not know if we would have made it this far. Our differences remain tangible, our ability to make each other laugh virtually effortless, and our commitment to choose Love, even when it scars our souls and is unimaginably uncomfortable remains. And I imagine we will renew our vows again for our 30th anniversary, because it still matters what those vows mean.


Thursday, June 27, 2019

How do I change the WORLD?!

I can't believe it's been since the end of May that I've blogged with the Five Minute Friday peeps! We get a one word prompt and cram for five minutes on that word with minimal edits - the point is to write. No pressure. No worries. Just let the words fall out that go with the prompt.

This week's prompt is WORLD.

Start

How do you change the WORLD?!

One moment at a time. One smile. One breath. One prayer. One song. One laugh. One yes. One thought.at.a.time.

When I think about it, I know the influence I have as a human in this WORLD is incremental. If I lose sight of those small increments, I will never influence the life, blessing, kindness, love, respect and joy I want to infuse into this hard place we dwell.

Sweeping tragedies, hardened hearts, acid tongues, self-hating thoughts push and shove to take authority of the WORLD around me.

But, I can choose.

One moment at a time. One smile. One breath. One prayer. One song. One laugh. One yes. One thought.at.a.time.

And change the WORLD.

Stop.

This song - Blesses me like crazy! I hope it blesses you too!




School, work, packing, moving, getting kids out of school, finishing PTO responsibilities, the list goes on... but, today, I'm back!

I have to write on Thursday night, because I never know what the next day will bring!

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Opposites Attract - An Essay

I am in school studying for my Bachelor of Science degree in Healthcare Administration and Management through Colorado State University - Global. My Applied Leadership Principles class has been very interesting and challenging. This essay earned me 100% but more than that, it really caused me to dial in tight to the perspective of how important it is my Love and I work together to raise our sons. (the highlighted parts are apparently where I copied and pasted and it shows up on this background, sorry about that.)





Opposites Attract – Management and Leadership at Home
Jennifer Bogdanowicz
18 WB (ORG300-10) – Applying Leadership Principles
 Colorado State University – Global Campus
January 27, 2019

 Opposites Attract – Management and Leadership at Home
We have been married for over 27 years. We are opposite in almost every way. We have a few things we are passionate about together and that is our middle ground. We agreed years ago to prioritize our marriage first, raising our sons, flying hot air balloons, and serving our community. We give generously, fight hard and laugh even harder.  We combine our efforts and extremely different skill sets to manage and to lead in our home. We have agreed we want to create a family culture of empowerment, encouragement and resilience. The way we approach the creation of that culture is extremely different.
I appreciated the plows vs. bulldozers analogy because it paints an accurate picture of our contrasting management and leadership styles (Rao, 2016). Erik’s bulldozer-like ability to power through resistance and obstacles is effective and gets the job done. There is a clarity and intensity to his purpose and focus that I admire. His hard leadership skills increase pressure, production, and perseverance to get to the desired result. My soft leadership skills bring a cultivating perspective, like a plow drawing to the surface great potential for positive, transformative, and creative results (Rao, 2016).
Management
Erik exercises executive, administrative, and supervisory direction of our family (Bârgau, 2015). When it comes to empowering, encouraging, and building resilience in our sons, he is very clear about his expectations and specific about the goals to be achieved. He manages our budget, researches and shops carefully for necessary equipment for our family, studies for his commercial pilots license and somehow manages to get our laundry done too. He finishes every task he starts. He believes “early is on time and on time is late.” He is methodical about teaching our sons how to work our hot air balloon burners, fan, and other flight equipment. He is precise when it comes to repairs and adjustments needed in our home. He expects the boys to do a thorough job of every task they are assigned. If they don’t meet his standard, there is a price to be paid. There is no cruelty, only accountability and follow through. The pressure to produce quality men who will take responsibility for themselves and their families weighs heavy on him. He is also an excellent teacher at our local mountain’s free ski school and was awarded Instructor of the Year two years ago. On the mountain I’ve heard him use soft and hard leadership techniques that could also be utilized more at home.
He consistently provides opportunities for our sons to advance in learning, take calculated risks and keep moving forward even when it’s hard. I particularly valued the insight about the benefits of high involvement management practices of information sharing, power sharing, skill development, and recognition that improve employee commitment because, while our boys aren’t his employees, that is what it looks like in our home (Doucet, Lapalme, Simard, & Tremblay, 2015). This stretches his soft leadership skills and has continued to be an opportunity for growth. For example, he took each of our sons on a ski trip in 5th grade. They discussed when, where, and what they would need to do to be at the skill level they would need to be to ski whatever runs they wanted. Each trip was both a challenge and reward for each son and their dad.
Leadership
I lead with the soft leadership skills mentioned by Rao (2016). I see our sons and their time in our home as precious and factor in their personality, behaviors, and attitudes in my instructions to them frequently. It is important to me that they recognize the value of their contribution to our family life. I believe time needs to be used wisely, but must be flexible to accommodate communication needs. I collaborate with them, teach creative ways to approach and accomplish tasks, and focus on the long term results I pray for – wise, kind, respectful men who will care passionately about their wives, families and community.
I cultivate empowerment, encouragement and resilience in our sons by being in their processes with them with my soft leadership skills (Rao, 2016). I remind them of their capabilities from things they have completed with excellence in the past, I motivate them to move forward into their goals and dreams by being persistent and committed. This support looks different for each son.
Our oldest son swims on the high school swim team. Early in the season he wanted to give up because it was extremely difficult to practice in the open water. I reminded him of how often he swam throughout the summer in the same place and how his capability was not an issue. He needed to be reminded of the courage he contains and the abilities he already has. He didn’t quit the team, instead he improved his times consistently throughout the season and his dad and I were there to cheer him on. Our middle son has always been very charismatic and gains a lot of attention with his witty sense of humor. Some adjustments were needed early in the school year to remind him of his academic and personal goals. We collaborated on solutions involving improvement of focus for his grades, his classmates needs, he recognized that a funny student with As gets treated differently than one with Ds and the importance of timing and self-control in the classroom environment. Our youngest son has struggled with his new teacher this year who is also new to teaching. She is quite gifted, as is he, and it took some careful negotiating to come to agreement with him on how his behavior can affect the students and staff around him. I reminded him of the many times he has courageously navigated making adjustments to fit in to a new classroom each year. I encouraged him to consider the benefits of pursuing his goals in conjunction with his grades. We agreed it would take hard work and persistence to make the needed changes, but in the end it would be worth it.
Our Strengths and Weaknesses
Each individual scenario took time and energy to work through. I see where my strengths of leadership shine and also how my weaknesses in management glare when it comes to how long it takes to make the necessary modifications soft leadership requires. My leadership style can accommodate conflict and differences of opinion. Erik’s management style does not have much room for those things and when they arise, so there is often a significant issue. How we work together to solve those issues is also a source of challenge since we want to apply our skill sets to the situation. It often requires us to back out of the ruts of our comfortable skills and move into the middle ground areas of shared priorities, combine our skill sets, recognizing they are complimentary processes and move forward (Bârgau, 2015). We choose to have the boys present when we face these challenges so they can learn about handling differences and conflicts with the skills we both taught them. I am confident we could not produce our desired results of empowered, encouraged and resilient sons with only his management and hard leadership skills or my leadership and soft leadership skills.
Conclusion
Our contrasted efforts to raise our sons with shared focus and different skill sets reminds us regularly that we have to work together to produce optimal results. Our boys will make their own choices as they grow. We hope our commitment to manage and lead as a team will give them the courage to embrace their own skills for management and leadership as well as find friends and a partner with valuable contrasting abilities.
References
Bârgau, M. (2015). LEADERSHIP VERSUS MANAGEMENT. Romanian Economic and Business Review, 10(2), 197-204. Retrieved from https://csuglobal.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.csuglobal.idm.oclc.org/docview/1700066847?accountid=38569
Doucet, O., Lapalme, M., Simard, G., & Tremblay, M. (2015). High involvement management practices as leadership enhancers. International Journal of Manpower, 36(7), 1058-1071. doi:http://dx.doi.org.csuglobal.idm.oclc.org/10.1108/IJM-10-2013-0243
Rao, M. S. (2016). Hard versus soft leadership? examples and illustrations. Strategic HR Review, 15(4), 174-179. Retrieved from https://csuglobal.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.csuglobal.idm.oclc.org/docview/1850797110?accountid=38569



Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Messy Monday: Tuesday Edition, PRAY, Coffee and Flames

This week was messy enough for me to forget what day it is. I haven't had one of these kinds of weeks in a while.

PRAY is the Five Minute Free Write today. So, because I am behind schedule, I will be combining them both.

I recently started training for my new job. I am working all kinds of different hours the last few weeks. I literally forgot what day it was until last night, when I realized I completely missed Monday! A combination of 8 hour and 10 hour days, juggling the boys schedules, and even threw in a food/art/geography project.


An island. Created with Rice Crispies, Cocoa Crispies, and Lucky Charms. And according to my son, he and his class thought it was magically delicious. Though you couldn't have paid me to taste it.

What's wrong with this?
I have no idea where I found this. But I love it. #true
Nothing! The essence of why I started writing Messy Monday. An this week, on Tuesday! I hope you are smiling by now...

PRAY - often. All day. Because you can. Talking to God has changed my life. It could really be so much worse. God is not a great fairy godfather in the sky to lean on as a crutch to survive my life. It is a necessity to remind my that my life isn't about me. It's about loving and serving others in a non-codependent way (took me years to figure this out!).

You don't have to do it. But if you do, even when you're mad, you likely won't regret it. Believing that Life is bigger than the space you see hear and know, expands your ability to understand and have compassion in the big wild crazy world around you. At least that's why I PRAY.

The more hours I work the more I am completely confident this is true! I loved this. Made.Me.Laugh. I am so grateful for people who come up with this stuff. Seriously, it makes my life better - Coffee and funny coffee memes.


A seriously bad day for someone definitely reminded me why I don't like foreign cars. No, just kidding. But I was leaving work the other day and I saw this. Suddenly, I didn't think my day was so hard. Keep this in mind - If your car doesn't catch fire and melt before your eyes, your day can't be that bad...

Catch you next MONDAY with more messiness!


Friday, October 12, 2018

Five Minute Friday: PRAISE God We're Still Married!

Today's Five Minute Friday Prompt is PRAISE.

I've been pondering that word since it posted last night and honestly, all I can think of is:

PRAISE God We're Still Married!

In keeping with my commitment to transparent honesty, I've decided to be real about how freaking hard my hubby and I work to stay married.

We have fought our whole marriage. Like, our WHOLE marriage. We have windows of peace and we make each other laugh usually every day at least once, but we fight:


- How clean is "clean"
- What is important after God, each other, family and friends
- When too much is too much - time or money spent on something/someone
- Who is working the hardest - at our relationship, around the house, with the kids, etc.
- Who is in charge
- What we should spend time or money on
- Who is being too hard on the kids - we trade off, so this is always different

If there is a fight to be had, we've had it.
The main themes are: Vying for Power/Control and being Offended by each others attitudes or responses (real or perceived). This BOOK has been a huge blessing regarding being offended.

I'd love to say we'd matured enough over the years to not fight (some of the above aren't an issue anymore) but we still do. Where the maturity comes in - the recovery time. I go from. "I cannot do this for the rest of my life!" to "Well, I'm not easy to live with either!"

This verse we picked to be our life verse for our marriage has proven to be Truth in ways we never imagined we would need it to be. Guarding our hearts and minds against the pressures, temptations, pain, suffering and challenges is no small feat. When I've felt vulnerable, this verse has tucked me into God. It has saved my life at times.

Happy 27th Anniversary Erik! I'm so glad we fight together FOR our marriage. I PRAISE God for making you exactly the way you are and I am grateful you love me, exactly the way I am. I love you.

Friday, August 31, 2018

What’s the RUSH?

The Five Minute Friday prompt is RUSH this week.

I had to ponder a bit to land on what I wanted to write about on this topic.

Problem: Since I’ve become a Mom I’ve had this “slow down/hurry up tug-of-war in my heart and mind. On one hand I wanted the painful challenges of infancy, toddlerhood, preschool, then school age to move on so my discomfort with that stage would end. But, as I greet the next chapters in my kids lives, I’m taken by surprise - again -  this is hard too.


Solution: What’s the RUSH?! Why do I make it about me and MY comfort?! In order to teach them to be present in the moment, I need to do that too. Any days, hard as they may be,  cannot be re-captured, they must be savored, discomfort and all. And, when the fun, goofy, moments arrive, and I find myself gut clenched, face hurting, laughing... mark it on the calendar and remind myself --- DON'T RUSH this!