Our Anniversary is the Only Holiday We Earn

Our first decade we spent growing up, making ridiculous financial decisions, fighting, and transitioning our lives from southern California to north Idaho living. We found a church home, grew in our faith, and wrestled with the discomfort of identity crisis and infertility. We stretched in ways we did not know we could move, and we bent in places that had no joint. And we celebrated 10 years by renewing our vows with our close friends. It was only the beginning of knowing what those vows meant.

Our second decade we spent trying to figure out how to grow together despite our differences. How to lean into the friendship we built, connect on a deeper level with the dear ones around us as our prayers were answered and we became parents. Moving from the house we built together to make room for Erik’s mom to move in with us for a season, learning to live together within the challenge of navigating post-partum depression, the loss of a baby, and parenting three under five tested our relationship in ways we could never have imagined. And we celebrated 20 years by renewing our vows with close friends and family. It was another chapter of understanding what those vows meant.

Our third decade is almost over. We have spent it growing with our kids in developmental stages of parenting as they challenge and change us in new ways. Another identity crisis, more tears and choices, more transitions, overcoming and investing in the ones God’s called us to, outside of our bloodline. There are many who pray and remind us of how far we have come and how God’s amazing Grace provides for our every need, daily. Without them I do not know if we would have made it this far. Our differences remain tangible, our ability to make each other laugh virtually effortless, and our commitment to choose Love, even when it scars our souls and is unimaginably uncomfortable remains. And I imagine we will renew our vows again for our 30^th anniversary, because it still matters what those vows mean.

Messy Monday: HELP! Getting Bucked Off, and The Big Sort

I am still trying to keep up with the Five Minute Free Write goal of writing for 5 minutes every day in the month of October. Here is day 22 HELP combined with my Messy Monday (which took longer than 5 minutes.

HELP!

Growing up is stinking hard work! When I look at these two pictures right next to each other it is crazy to see Tigger taller than me, looking cool in a denim jacket, moody blue eyes and hunky good looks. And Pooh Bear, hair styled, almost taller than me, mischievous blue eyes and big time girl magnet too.

I can't believe how similar and how different they are from their former selves. I used to try to look at their baby faces and try to imagine what they'd look like as men. Now, I can see it. And hear it. And meet the challenge of it. Most of the time with Grace. However, I am leaning hard on God's HELP to influence them with kindness, encouragement, and consistent accountability in a world that often seems to value none of the above. 

Getting Bucked Off:

Yesterday I was tired! So tired I had a hard time thinking at.all. It was my final training day and for over 2 weeks now, I had been training on the Unit in the hospital where I am an inpatient secretary. I was sitting on a chair I raised just an inch or so and I reached for a pen and ... fell, butt first -- on the floor -- in front of all the nurses, counselors, and other staff. It was humiliating. I got bucked off a CHAIR. Seriously. I laughed then made a comment about doing all my own stunts, one of the counselors helped me off the ground and my trainer asked me if I was okay. I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to admit to getting maimed by a chair. 

Mt. Laundry: 

We have stuff. It's time for the post-summer purge of outgrown, over stained, and holey things. This is usually done over the weekend and it's over quickly. However, because I worked on Sunday, a ten hour shift with an hour drive on each end, this lovely pile has been staring me down all day. This is my true definition of Messy Monday. When the actual MESS of life is everywhere I look and I have the choice to be overwhelmed or receive the gift of our sons, yet again and be grateful for clothes to go through, boys to mess them up and a warm house to sort them in. I will give away what is still presentable, toss what is unwearable, and pack up what remains for next summer's fun.

Mom Speech: Back to School

Did anyone else give a speech this morning before dropping their impressionable youth back in the fishbowls of education? 

I can't be the only one who started with: "Don't be Assholes".

It never would have occurred to me to say that years ago when they first started school.

When our oldest graduated Kindergarten

They started out sweet, kind, innocent little boys who had not been bullied, yelled at, sworn at, talked down to, or generally pushed around in the public arena. Now, after one survived middle school, one is finishing middle school and one is finishing elementary, they have been there, done that and even caused some of it. 

We listened to an audio book on the way home from our road trip yesterday. Everybody Always by Bob Goff was the perfect listen just before school started. Loving people, even when it's hard, not being afraid, and recognizing that everyone comes from a different place and has a different story are excellent reminders before re-entry. 

Now that they have been immersed for years in the group dynamics of academics, relationships, competition, and general bored disrespect they have a choice to make:

They can be kids who put down, bully, and smack talk the people around them or be Mighty Men (I've called them that since they were small.) who speak hope, kindness, and encouragement. They say they want to be Mighty Men but one decision at a time will tell who they choose to become. 

9th, 8th, and 5th grade this year

Some decisions they made this summer weren't consistent with what they've been taught. We've had some pretty intense family discussions and training regarding appropriate respectful behaviors versus generally accepted boy nonsense. 

One of my greatest struggles is wanting to help them determine the best thing to do instead of letting them decide what to do. My Love is much better at this than I am. I recognize they must learn how to succeed and how to fail and recover but I find letting them do that is excruciating! However, this whole parenting thing isn't about me, is it?

Nope. It's about them. Becoming. Growing. Learning. Falling. Getting up. Trying again. 

I can't control their choices anymore (like I ever really could!), so, I remind them they are Mighty Men who can speak hope, kindness, and encouragement to others. And occasionally, I remind them of what they can become if they don't (see above). 

Teaching them to walk and use the potty was frustrating and messy at times and we survived that... 

Flexibility is KEY to Live Courageous!

When the word "Flexibility" came to mind as my focus for 2016 I had no clue what it might look like in the day - to - day reality. I am not, by nature (and nurture) a structured planner but I do like to have order and systems in place.

Until it becomes impossible to keep the order and run the systems. 

I spent 74 days with a migraine. On day 75, I woke up without one. It felt amazing. Like someone broke me out of jail and I could run free - but not very far. The migraine leveled my plans for the year. It forced changes in my life I didn't' know were needed and provided a re-alignment opportunity.

I had to wade in slowly to the water of my life, living more by an outline than a script. 

I used to believe my life needed more and more structure in order to be successful and achieve my goals. I mapped out my days with chunks of time allotted for each focus and tried to keep "on track". This amplified my anxiety and super-powered my stress. I discovered I was trying to make my round peg fit in a square hole (life by script). 

Living by outline means creating a framework of focus and choosing to find peace in the details. Flexibility as a lifestyle, instead of something forced by circumstance takes a crazy amount of courage (at least for me).

I love wisteria. It is a great example of what I'm talking about. The framework is the fence and the vine grows. It requires pruning (as do I) but its a messy kind of beautiful, like my life. I show up to grow, trust the process, thankful to adapt, and be fully present in the moment.

Now I am swimming strong, moving through the water of my life, establishing a new rhythm knowing flexibility is KEY to Live Courageous! 

When Courage is Hard to Find

Writing from the low place today. I process while I type and I decided if I want you to be real with me I must keep it real myself. As a life coach I would think conventional wisdom would be to keep chin up, positive, “come on you can do this” type of blogging as the theme and keep the daily struggles to myself.

That just isn’t me.

Today has been painful. From many levels. Recovering from sinus and ear infections, memories of past pain flooding back, mothering three strong leaders and no marital bliss in sight.

My “Brand” is Live Courageous!

What if you don’t FEEL the courage anywhere inside of you?

What if you have a complete lack of gumption?

What if even the idea of Live Courageous! sounds like a lame joke heard over the radio as you sit in your pajamas for the 3^rd day with no vision for the future?

I know that feeling. On days like this I feel my own “Brand” mocking me.  It might be the fever and the stuffy head, but misery only amplifies the “owies” of life. Even if they are my own perception, they remain painful.

So, in with the tiniest shred of courage I push up the periscope from my dark place and look for hope above and beyond today. I find this:

It often feels like the learning curve of my life was designed to torture me with epic climbs. When I am aching in my chest from the altitude, the attitudes around me, and the actions of others I MUST find in the darkness a reason to grow.

Whatever blows up, blows over, blows around, my roots need to be deep enough to hang tight until tomorrow.

We never know what is coming tomorrow. It may be worse and the tools in the growth today give us the tenacity to hang on through it or if it is better there is a reprieve from the strengthening and growing process that the darkness brings.

My encouragement to you, from the dark place today, is hang on. Do what you must. Don’t take yourself or anyone else too seriously. And most of all, get some rest. Growing, darkness, and strengthening take lots of energy.

To quote a dear and very wise friend: