Who Is My Audience?

Today's Five Minute Free Write prompt is AUDIENCE.

Who is my AUDIENCE?

Women 18-35? Women 35-55? Men 45-55?

If you would be willing to comment about who you are and what you like about my blog. What you like, what is boring, what you want me to write more about, that would be so helpful.



My heart for my AUDIENCE is this:

I want to encourage you.
I want to build you up and remind you that the pain of life can strengthen you and not destroy you.
I want to write transparently enough that you feel safe to be real but not so candid you cringe every blog.

Does that make sense? I hope so. I really want to know what you think about this. I don't write for me, I always write with you in mind.

Mom Speech: Back to School

Did anyone else give a speech this morning before dropping their impressionable youth back in the fishbowls of education? 

I can't be the only one who started with: "Don't be Assholes".

It never would have occurred to me to say that years ago when they first started school.

When our oldest graduated Kindergarten

They started out sweet, kind, innocent little boys who had not been bullied, yelled at, sworn at, talked down to, or generally pushed around in the public arena. Now, after one survived middle school, one is finishing middle school and one is finishing elementary, they have been there, done that and even caused some of it. 

We listened to an audio book on the way home from our road trip yesterday. Everybody Always by Bob Goff was the perfect listen just before school started. Loving people, even when it's hard, not being afraid, and recognizing that everyone comes from a different place and has a different story are excellent reminders before re-entry. 

Now that they have been immersed for years in the group dynamics of academics, relationships, competition, and general bored disrespect they have a choice to make:

They can be kids who put down, bully, and smack talk the people around them or be Mighty Men (I've called them that since they were small.) who speak hope, kindness, and encouragement. They say they want to be Mighty Men but one decision at a time will tell who they choose to become. 

9th, 8th, and 5th grade this year

Some decisions they made this summer weren't consistent with what they've been taught. We've had some pretty intense family discussions and training regarding appropriate respectful behaviors versus generally accepted boy nonsense. 

One of my greatest struggles is wanting to help them determine the best thing to do instead of letting them decide what to do. My Love is much better at this than I am. I recognize they must learn how to succeed and how to fail and recover but I find letting them do that is excruciating! However, this whole parenting thing isn't about me, is it?

Nope. It's about them. Becoming. Growing. Learning. Falling. Getting up. Trying again. 

I can't control their choices anymore (like I ever really could!), so, I remind them they are Mighty Men who can speak hope, kindness, and encouragement to others. And occasionally, I remind them of what they can become if they don't (see above). 

Teaching them to walk and use the potty was frustrating and messy at times and we survived that... 

How a 145 Day Migraine Didn't Kill Me

This pic is from Frugal and Focused. Thank you!

This is my favorite quote by Corrie ten Boom who hid Jews from the Nazi's in her family home, the only one in her family who survived the Nazi death camp, and when released at age 53, she spent the next 32 years spreading the message of God's love in over 60 countries. She's my hero. Her life changed. A lot. She knew pain and she knew God. She didn't give up.

There have been several suicides lately. Crushed hearts and minds from pain, despair, hopelessness, and/or loneliness compelled some precious people to feel like it would never change and they wanted it to stop. I have been there. Recently.

One of the best books I listened to while I was struggling through my 145 day (yes, it was as AWFUL as it sounds) migraine was Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. In it she talks about the "3Ps" -this link has a detailed description of what they are and how they are defined- I will tell you how it impacted me:

Personalization - This is all my fault. If I wasn't so damn sensitive to all the strong and loud personalities in my house I wouldn't have this stupid migraine. Once again, life has proven I am defective. Migraines, infertility (for almost 10 years), clinical depression, anxiety, and obesity haunt me daily. I've had surgery, taken hormones, blood tests, done triathlons, and I even tried to learn to ski but blew out my knee. I am fat, in pain, and an emotional train wreck.

Permanence - This is never going to change. I will always be what I have always been, no matter how hard I try to change it. Time and time again it has been confirmed that this is the way I will always be. This headache, my body chemistry, my weight are destroying my family. We will never recover from this.

Pervasiveness- I am letting everyone down in every single way possible. I suck at being a wife, mom, Christian, PTO member, and friend. There is no way that anyone will tolerate me and my mess long term. I can't think, exercise, write, pray, read, work or anything. My life as I know it and understood it is in ruins.

This is ALL how I actually felt. A LOT. No amount of faith, prayer, encouragement from my Love, my kids, my family and friends budged me from this mindset moving in and out of my thought life. My psychiatrist (who I truly value but sometimes get frustrated with) doubled my anti-depressant dosage. He was WISE. I am not sure I would have made it out of this alive if he hadn't.

When your best friend brings you the GOOD
tissue & something that makes you smile.

During the 145 days, I spent 19 days in Providence Sacred Heart Medical Center, where I had extraordinary care from kind, concerned, genuine, consistent and extraordinary people. They hated to see me go, but they did everything medically possible to get rid of my pain. That place, their staff, and the gentle words and loving way they cared for me pushed back at my 3Ps beliefs.

When I came home on February 16, still in pain, the fear that things would never change amplified. My parents arrived (on plane tickets purchased in Nov 2017!) here the next day and spent almost two weeks tending to me and my family. Their daily presence squeezed out the thoughts, beliefs and fears crowding in during the dark quiet nights.

For decades, I have known my value and identity are not based on what I do but on Whose I am. Codependency, Boundary Issues, Fear, Depression, and Fat have pushed me to my limits in every direction. But THIS, this experience, this season of perpetual unrelenting migraine pain went beyond any of those things that threatened to destroy me before.

As soon as I finished listening to the book, I knew those 3Ps were going to be a part of my healing process, too. I had no idea when or how the migraine would finally go away, but I knew I needed an Option B too. I needed to be willing to let God invade all of those lies in my original 3Ps and speak Truth.

I took those 3Ps and used them as a springboard to change my thinking. Fifteen days out from the end of the migraine (that finally ended when I woke up from surgery) and I'm still working on them. It may be a bit before they aren't the first thoughts that pop into my head when hard things happen.

I am very Spirit-minded and believe passionately in being Spirit-led. I often pray my humanity to the background and ask that my spirit come to the foreground so I can be led by Spirit. This is the basis for my perspective on this.

Jenn's Version of the 3Ps:

Personalization - I live in a world where destruction, cruelty, devastation, and pain abound from all angles and happen to everyone. I am uniquely created, loved and called by my Creator to speak Life into darkness and let Light shine through me. If I "can't" in the moment, wait, and see the second P!

Permanence - When I keep moving forward I remind myself, things always change. Like the song says, "If you're going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down...". Thank you Rodney Atkins for that reminder! My perspective, limited. My Creator's perspective, Limitless.

Pervasiveness - One crappy thing does not equal everything is crappy. I can find the blessings and beauty when I look out the window, look at my kids (even if they're acting crappy), read something encouraging, and/or find something (not someone) to laugh at. Light can be found, usually. If not, see the second P!

My Creator, my Love (who never left my side and only blew his fuse a few times), my family, and my friends never gave up on me. It's a tricky journey, recovering from a migraine that long. When it started in January, I was a different person. Prolonged pain changes you. I'm finding out who I am now, on the other side. I have been stripped down and purged of my expectations of myself. But Light is more easily found these days and the rest will come...

Thank you Corrie, hero of mine, for setting the example of being who you're called to be no matter where you are or what you're going through and never giving up. This time my pit was really deep, but you reminded me how deep God is.

Living Courageous Even When the Darkness Lingers

I know I'm still in a "low" when I can't sleep at night. 

It started after my babies - in that season when you finally get them to sleep and get comfortable enough to go to bed and they wake up. So I just stopped sleeping until I'd pass out, and then of course, they'd wake up again.

Now they sleep through the night and when I'm working through something I don't. Still. 

I wrote a 3 part blog called My Black Hole, then Part 2, and Part 3 in August/September of 2014. It was the most transparent I'd been about my battle with suicidal thoughts and clinical depression. 

Now, the revelations of that season bless me and comfort me. In Part 2 I talk about depression being like a rip current. How you can't fight it, you rest and slowly swim parallel to the shore. 

That's where I'm at right now. Swimming parallel to the shore knowing I will get back on the beach soon, In the past I had tremendous anxiety about getting back to shore, almost as much as as I had being out in the ocean. 

Today, I am peaceful, not fearful. I know what this feels like. I know it won't last. I know the Light in my tunnel. and I am confident I will not drown. I sense a deep work going on in my heart. A remodel of unknown detail taking place during this time of aching. 

I will get back in the pool tomorrow to continue my Ironman training and swim knowing the process in me is important to swim through. Savoring the process is KEY even if it is uncomfortable. 

To Live Courageous! is to embrace the process even in the darkness.

When Courage is Hard to Find

Writing from the low place today. I process while I type and I decided if I want you to be real with me I must keep it real myself. As a life coach I would think conventional wisdom would be to keep chin up, positive, “come on you can do this” type of blogging as the theme and keep the daily struggles to myself.

That just isn’t me.

Today has been painful. From many levels. Recovering from sinus and ear infections, memories of past pain flooding back, mothering three strong leaders and no marital bliss in sight.

My “Brand” is Live Courageous!

What if you don’t FEEL the courage anywhere inside of you?

What if you have a complete lack of gumption?

What if even the idea of Live Courageous! sounds like a lame joke heard over the radio as you sit in your pajamas for the 3^rd day with no vision for the future?

I know that feeling. On days like this I feel my own “Brand” mocking me.  It might be the fever and the stuffy head, but misery only amplifies the “owies” of life. Even if they are my own perception, they remain painful.

So, in with the tiniest shred of courage I push up the periscope from my dark place and look for hope above and beyond today. I find this:

It often feels like the learning curve of my life was designed to torture me with epic climbs. When I am aching in my chest from the altitude, the attitudes around me, and the actions of others I MUST find in the darkness a reason to grow.

Whatever blows up, blows over, blows around, my roots need to be deep enough to hang tight until tomorrow.

We never know what is coming tomorrow. It may be worse and the tools in the growth today give us the tenacity to hang on through it or if it is better there is a reprieve from the strengthening and growing process that the darkness brings.

My encouragement to you, from the dark place today, is hang on. Do what you must. Don’t take yourself or anyone else too seriously. And most of all, get some rest. Growing, darkness, and strengthening take lots of energy.

To quote a dear and very wise friend:

Why Live Courageous?

I Live Courageous! because

Two years ago, December 2013 I wrote THIS.

And to break out from that horrible place, one of the things I did was THIS.

Then I decided to learn to ski. 

COURAGE.

My first ski instructor had one leg. "Lefty". 

But then:
December 26, 2014 I wrecked my knee. I was practicing before my second ski lesson with my Love on the beginner hill. I fell and heard a pop. I assumed since I was over 40 my body would make noises when I was learning a new skill. I got up, fell, got up, crashed, got up, slid down the hill and decided to take the lift to the top and try some more. I fell down again. And again. This time he said it didn't even look like I was trying to stay upright. Turns out, I didn't have a ligament to stand on (I didn't know that yet). I kept at it until I hurt too bad to clip into my skis anymore.

Several weeks of crutches (while my Love had to travel for work), tests, evaluations, and an MRI, I had someone else's Achilles tendon (I am grateful for those who donate their parts when they don't need them anymore.) installed as my new anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). It was a major endeavor and required many hours, weeks, months of pain, stretching, physical therapy, etc. It essentially took over my entire life and I already had a busy one!

EVERY YEAR is going to require some amount of COURAGE. 

A few big things required me to Live Courageous! in 2015:


I worked hard to rehab my knee, including admitting I needed to do something to control my downward spiral into another bout of depression due to spending the winter on my butt and on crutches. Once you go into remission in clinical depression, it is extremely hard to admit you are sliding back into the hole. 

COURAGE.

I walked with my best friend through a breast cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, a new relationship, proposal and marriage. Keeping my head (and encouraging them even when I was afraid she would lose her life) focused on God and His provision for that season. 

COURAGE.

I did my fifth sprint triathlon - these pictures - posting them.

COURAGE. 

Best swim time ever.

Headed out on the bike ride.

About to cross the finish line!

And finally, I quit my job at a place I love with people I love to start a career doing what I love - COACH! 

COURAGE.


In 2016 I know COURAGE will be required of me to do these things: 

• Building a business actively cheering you to Live Courageous!
• Remaining transparent and professional - a delicate balance for me
• Training and Finishing the Half Ironman Coeur d'Alene June 26, 2016
• And... only God knows what else... 

I Live Courageous! because I want to squeeze every drop out of life. I've survived feeling stuck and I never want to feel that way again. 

Now it's your turn. 

Do you want to Live Courageous! ? 

What Courageous plans do you have for 2016?

Please answer one or more of these questions in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

Can I help you Live Courageous! ? Don't hesitate to email me  if you would like a free 30 minute consultation. My introduction rates will expire at midnight (PST) on January 1, 2016. I can Skype anywhere in the world, so don't let location put you off of moving forward. 

Three Steps To Have A Superhero Day

More often than not:

I'm sure I can rock the day, the tasks, the relationships and the surprises arriving on my path. YOU can have days like that. Lots of them! 

Some days:

This funky specimen had the good fortune to be discovered on our way out the door to school. It was safe to slime it's way out of harm before my salt sprinkling experimenters caused it's untimely demise. 

Slug days, I slog along wondering what might squish, sprinkle or scorch my plans. Battling clinical depression most of my life, I know slug days well. A real slug is not brilliant enough to anticipate the pending disastrous possibilities, but since I feel comfortable admitting I am smarter than the average slug, I tend to go into the day focused on myself. How tired I am, how much I have to do, how naughty my kids are, how will I ever make a difference in the world... can you see the slime trail yet?

One might suggest these are two extremes and one should find a middle ground. Possibly. NOT!

Living a superhero day is easier than you think. 

Before feet hit floor we can choose! I have walked through some pretty nasty stuff and been able to find my superhero self by doing these three things:

1) Grab a hold of your thoughts. Our thinkers can squish us or spring us into the next minute, hour, or even the whole day. 

Andy Stanley says this and I have to remember to do it:

A friend gave me a mug I keep close by. This is how I remember I can be a superhero.

2) Shower. Yes, I said the obvious. And as you scrub up, imagine all the yucky, sad, disappointing, funky gunk sliding off of you with the warm water and going down the drain. You don't need a picture of that. 

3) Focus on what you CAN do. So many times we end up circling the drain of our brains with the sludgy water of what we can't control. Take a deep breath. Now exhale... blow out all the tension of the uncontrollables into the air. Bite off what you CAN chew for the day, encourage someone, SMILE. 

YOU are capable of being a superhero. Every.single.day. 

If you have any doubt left. Buy superhero socks. I did. Trust me. It helps! 

If you are stuck in slug mode, I am happy to help. Not every day will be a superhero day, but most days can be. You can reach me at the email address below or on my website where we can set up time to talk about how to Live Courageous!