Five Minute Friday - DONE (on Saturday)

I'm finally gathering a few moments to post with the Five Minute Friday Bunch. This week's word is DONE. I've been pondering what to write on this word. So many possibilities.

GO.

I've been DONE before. Finished with the fight and struggle. I've cried out for help, I've had surgery, I've done naturopathic remedies, pharmaceuticals, (GASP!) CBD oil purchased at a pot shop, and another surgery.

But this, this season now, is a whole new place of DONE. After all I've come through thus far, I am DONE with these things:

Being afraid of what anyone thinks of me.
Trying to jump through the "right" hoops to fit "proper Christian" mold.
Expecting people to be different than they are at in any given moment (more GRACE!).
Wanting those closest to me to meet the needs that only God can.
Trying to fix circumstances instead of my perspective.
Trying to be acceptable.

The first six months of 2018 have stripped me clean of just about anything and everything I thought I had left in my own understanding.

Here's to spending the next six months being in the new place I've landed.

STOP.

Bonus words: I have been DONE with several of these things before, but during this six months I have gained a much different perspective that is wiser and downright refreshing. I will write about that too...

Living Courageous Even When the Darkness Lingers

I know I'm still in a "low" when I can't sleep at night. 

It started after my babies - in that season when you finally get them to sleep and get comfortable enough to go to bed and they wake up. So I just stopped sleeping until I'd pass out, and then of course, they'd wake up again.

Now they sleep through the night and when I'm working through something I don't. Still. 

I wrote a 3 part blog called My Black Hole, then Part 2, and Part 3 in August/September of 2014. It was the most transparent I'd been about my battle with suicidal thoughts and clinical depression. 

Now, the revelations of that season bless me and comfort me. In Part 2 I talk about depression being like a rip current. How you can't fight it, you rest and slowly swim parallel to the shore. 

That's where I'm at right now. Swimming parallel to the shore knowing I will get back on the beach soon, In the past I had tremendous anxiety about getting back to shore, almost as much as as I had being out in the ocean. 

Today, I am peaceful, not fearful. I know what this feels like. I know it won't last. I know the Light in my tunnel. and I am confident I will not drown. I sense a deep work going on in my heart. A remodel of unknown detail taking place during this time of aching. 

I will get back in the pool tomorrow to continue my Ironman training and swim knowing the process in me is important to swim through. Savoring the process is KEY even if it is uncomfortable. 

To Live Courageous! is to embrace the process even in the darkness.

WHEN Do We Live Courageous?

This will be a multi-part blog --- There are so many WHENs to live courageous.


As I battle the clinical depression tempting me to circle the drain in my thoughts, I post this for anyone who even has the slightest desire to Live Courageous! or knows they need to, somehow, some way.

I have been on the hunt for a bathing suit. It is a challenge. My body has morphed so much in the last year and a half since I had gastric sleeve surgery many things just fit weird, or in my opinion look weird.

Finding one in January, another challenge. I found 3, full price, no coupon, no sale in sight… and two sizes smaller than I’ve worn in 20 years.

Sigh… I decided to try them on anyway. I wasn’t looking for a self-esteem boost anyway, right?

The first one I tried on fit. Everywhere. Huh? Cool.

The second one - not awesome but functional.

The third one – liked the style but no.stinkin.way.


I sat in the dressing room, tears rolling down my face. My body fits in a smaller size suit than I have worn for over 20 years but my focus was on how far I still have to go.

Do you ever rob yourself of the current blessing to look at the seemingly endless distance ahead?

That is WHEN to LIVE COURAGEOUS!

SEE the blessing. Hold it. Celebrate it. Rest in it. Even for a moment. Then…

Keep moving forward. Every.single.day.

Yes, I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, don't judge, it's been a rough year.

 

Today I swam, in that suit, roughly 40 minutes and approximately 1300 meters. I am training for a Half-Ironman in June of this year. This suit is going to help me meet the goal of crossing the finish line!

  

Live Courageous! It's worth it.

 

 

Why Live Courageous?

I Live Courageous! because

Two years ago, December 2013 I wrote THIS.

And to break out from that horrible place, one of the things I did was THIS.

Then I decided to learn to ski. 

COURAGE.

My first ski instructor had one leg. "Lefty". 

But then:
December 26, 2014 I wrecked my knee. I was practicing before my second ski lesson with my Love on the beginner hill. I fell and heard a pop. I assumed since I was over 40 my body would make noises when I was learning a new skill. I got up, fell, got up, crashed, got up, slid down the hill and decided to take the lift to the top and try some more. I fell down again. And again. This time he said it didn't even look like I was trying to stay upright. Turns out, I didn't have a ligament to stand on (I didn't know that yet). I kept at it until I hurt too bad to clip into my skis anymore.

Several weeks of crutches (while my Love had to travel for work), tests, evaluations, and an MRI, I had someone else's Achilles tendon (I am grateful for those who donate their parts when they don't need them anymore.) installed as my new anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). It was a major endeavor and required many hours, weeks, months of pain, stretching, physical therapy, etc. It essentially took over my entire life and I already had a busy one!

EVERY YEAR is going to require some amount of COURAGE. 

A few big things required me to Live Courageous! in 2015:


I worked hard to rehab my knee, including admitting I needed to do something to control my downward spiral into another bout of depression due to spending the winter on my butt and on crutches. Once you go into remission in clinical depression, it is extremely hard to admit you are sliding back into the hole. 

COURAGE.

I walked with my best friend through a breast cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, a new relationship, proposal and marriage. Keeping my head (and encouraging them even when I was afraid she would lose her life) focused on God and His provision for that season. 

COURAGE.

I did my fifth sprint triathlon - these pictures - posting them.

COURAGE. 

Best swim time ever.

Headed out on the bike ride.

About to cross the finish line!

And finally, I quit my job at a place I love with people I love to start a career doing what I love - COACH! 

COURAGE.


In 2016 I know COURAGE will be required of me to do these things: 

• Building a business actively cheering you to Live Courageous!
• Remaining transparent and professional - a delicate balance for me
• Training and Finishing the Half Ironman Coeur d'Alene June 26, 2016
• And... only God knows what else... 

I Live Courageous! because I want to squeeze every drop out of life. I've survived feeling stuck and I never want to feel that way again. 

Now it's your turn. 

Do you want to Live Courageous! ? 

What Courageous plans do you have for 2016?

Please answer one or more of these questions in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

Can I help you Live Courageous! ? Don't hesitate to email me  if you would like a free 30 minute consultation. My introduction rates will expire at midnight (PST) on January 1, 2016. I can Skype anywhere in the world, so don't let location put you off of moving forward. 

DWELL - Where Do You Long To Be?

I'm joining the Five Minute Friday writers this week. Our prompt: DWELL

The first thing that popped into my mind when I thought of this word was this verse:

"Forget the former things; do not DWELL on the past." Isaiah 43:18  

The former Me - in 2013:  

Since I started my business Live Courageous Coaching on the first of October this year, I have been challenged to walk the new path set before me. Self-employed life gives me regular opportunities to doubt my calling and retreat in my mind back to past misfires in my past. Then He beckons me to come into His presence and trust Him to give me the courage to stand in all He has provided in and through me for this new adventure. 

For the first time in my life I am living fully in my original design, conquering my long time battle with clinical depression, and meeting the temptation to DWELL on the past with fresh vision for the future not only for myself but for those I am coaching. 

The next verse says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Many of my past experiences have left me feeling stuck in the wilderness or thirsty in the wasteland. 

Now, I am able to live the NEW thing where He is making a way. 

The new me - DWELLing in 2015: