Messy Monday: Back to School, Averages, and Making Time

I skipped last week, and my Love would say I need to be in bed instead of making sure I post this week. However, I made a commitment to mention my messiness so here it is!

AND SHINY THINGS!!!

Introducing ME! 

I started back to school on the 10th. My "vintage" credits made most of the cut so I am starting mid-Junior year as far as credits go.  Here is the introduction entry I made for my first assignment. 

Jennifer Bogdanowicz here, majoring in Healthcare Administration, living in northern Idaho with my husband of 27+ years, our three sons who are 14, 13, and 10. I have served in multiple administrative and medical positions over the years. I finally decided to combine the two and do something useful with both. I never wanted a career, only to be a stay at home mom. Almost 10 years of infertility forced me to get a job (or many) and find a way to invest in people since I couldn’t be a parent. My resume’ is loaded with everything from Head Athletic Trainer, Executive Assistant to Idaho State Fire Commissioners, Emergency Medical Technician, Pony Pals ride operator, substitute teacher, owner of Live Courageous Coaching, LLC, and currently the Supplemental Inpatient Secretary for the Adolescent Psych Unit in our region’s largest hospital.

I am an avid blogger, specializing in transparency regarding marriage, parenting, and life in general. I love Jesus, adore Brene’ Brown, appreciate sarcasm, and swear more than my husband. Our family motto is “Be the Blessing” and we actively work together at encouraging others and laughing hard every day.

I believe Leadership happens by intentional example. I have served in multiple leadership positions since I was 16 (roughly 1,000 years ago). I love audiobooks on leadership and drive my family crazy with reminders they make an impact – positive or negative – wherever they go with quotes like “Your response is your responsibility.” “Did you communicate blessing with your words or actions?” and “Speak Life, Damnit!”

I look forward to growing personally and professionally in the process of completing my degree. This class looks like it will bring up great revelation and stir up things I’ve learned in the past that have been dormant for decades.

Now, last week I managed to get 9/10, 25/25, and 40/40. I anticipate I am not likely to repeat this glorious miracle due to my inattention to the APA style of formatting required. I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. In the meantime, I celebrated Christmas early with my people tonight, had a celebratory dinner, finished up the last week of their schooling by taking a zillion pictures, attending festivities, hosting a Christmas party for the boys friends and their parents (I highly recommend this), and somehow managing to wrap, mail, and only be stressing over about 20 Christmas cards I still haven't sent yet. So, I am hoping that this assignment, even if I bomb it can be counteracted by brilliance in the next few weeks. I'm not holding my breath... but I do love the class and being in school again!

I spent the WHOLE day with my family yesterday. Sitting in a not-cozy lodge at the top of a gorgeous mountain and soaking up my people and our friends. It was a gift. Just being. I was supposed to download some school work, but it didn't work so I colored instead. Most inspiring moment: Watching my Love choose to learn something new. After 45 years on skis he got on a snowboard! I was crazy proud, made our friend promise not to break him, and loved being there to witness the choice, the lesson (some of it, at least) and the post effort pains of learning a new physical skill after 40...

This week was MESSY, but soooo worth it. I certainly sent my fair share of PLEASE PRAY texts to my tight few who slay dragons in the heavenlies for me on a regular basis. We also had some gut crunching belly laughs, smart ass brilliance, and quality conversations.

Merry Christmas!
Stay MESSY my Friends!

Five Minute Friday: WITH You

The last Five Minute Friday post for the year and I apologize for missing last week. It was my first week of school and I couldn't catch up with myself or my schedule!

But this week, I am WITH you...

I am wired to be WITH you. Not just beside or near you.

WITH you means: to be in the muck, the joy, the stench, the party, the gang, the depths, I'll be WITH you there. I am not afraid, it is part of who I am.

I know that is how God is, for me. WITH me. I don't want to be God for you. YIKES! Five minutes with me, my busted verbal filter and my crazy non-conventional faith and you'll be confident that I am not!

However, I know how to be WITH you because I've learned that being WITH someone in a pleasant or even dreadful place, is sacred. I wrote to a friend recently that she needed time to grieve. To soak in the pain and process it, regardless of the people around her ready for her to "move on" or "look at what you do have".

Sometimes the discomfort of being WITH people in their misery, grief, tragedy, despair can be scary - like it might get on you too. Sometimes it does. The remedy is the same. Showing up and being WITH someone is a sacred act of love worth doing. Because, after all, Love is something you DO.

Messy Monday: Listen Closely, They're Worth It

When your kid has a meltdown, what do you do? Do you shut it down? Send them to their room? Hear them out?

My Love and I work hard to hear them out. We attempt to listen between the lines for their heart struggle beyond the extreme emotions being expressed. The temptation to shut them down because the timing of their meltdown is inconvenient or annoying can be hard to resist. We believe the act of choosing relationship with them, even when they are “messy” is a consistent conscious effort worth making. They each have legitimate stress in their lives putting excess pressure on them. It is no wonder it falls out, at the end of a long day or in the early morning worries.  All three of our sons have been bullied, belittled, and told they make life harder for the people around them.

The crazy thing is, most of the people communicating this are ADULTS. It’s shocking how many adults don’t want to accept responsibility for their own behavior/decisions and put it off on kids. Our boys, who have been knocked unconscious by another kid, stalked relentlessly by a peer, and be targeted by impatient teachers (often substitutes) for being themselves, are learning how to be tough AND kind. Protective AND respectful. Gracious AND holding someone accountable for their actions.

These challenges are not unique to them. We make that point often. But, I pray, that by sharing this, someone will give an emotional teen or pre-teen an opportunity to off load their stress, listen between the lines, and be a supportive adult instead of expecting a kid to make things easier on the grown up with decades more life experience and hopefully, maturity.

Five Minute Friday: BALANCE?!

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is one I have wrestled with for years.

I have concluded: looking for, pursuing and seeking BALANCE is a waste of time.

I've spent more time trying to do that than being present. In life. What I've found in trying to find BALANCE is I spend more time wondering/worrying if something I'm doing or not doing is the right thing. Spending time trying to find BALANCE is like standing in the middle of a teeter totter while kids, church, school, dog, neighbors, friends, family and whoever else, jump on and off of either side randomly and with varying intensity. That is not a wise place to stand, as far as I'm concerned.

Snagged this from Google

I'd rather be on one side, adjusting as needed to the ups and downs as they come, being fully present in what is - which I believe is way more valuable and effective not only for my heart and mind but for the people around me.

And then there's this...

“I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things: praying and cussing. Sometimes at the exact same time.” ― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

This book changed me. It gave me permission to do exactly what I wrote above. My faith was strengthened, my trust in who God created me to be and what He built me to say was reinforced so I can be fully present, regardless of what happens, making the need for BALANCE irrelevant.

Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value Part 2

Last week I wrote about who I let determine my value in my youth. My parents and my two closest best friends were powerful components to me becoming who I am today. Like I said before, certainly not the only influences, but definitely transforming.

I have had some incredible people surround me in my adulthood who have shaped my understanding of my value. When my Love and I moved to Idaho before our first anniversary I had no idea how my Idaho people would become a whole layer of family I never imagined possible.

But, before that... I signed over my value to someone at the ripe old age of 20.

Back then I thought that was what you did. You lean in to the one you say "I do, forever til death do us part," and that's it. He's mine, I'm his, and that's the way God designed it to be. That is what I'd been taught, what I'd seen and all I knew. 

The problem with giving your freshly appointed spouse the power to determine your VALUE is they don't know what it means when you do that. They don't realize what happens inside you when:

• They get frustrated with you - YOU are wrong
• They are hurt - YOU hurt them
• They are unhappy - YOU are failing
• They aren't getting what they want out of life - YOU are at fault

Sometimes, in marriage, we get frustrated, hurt, unhappy, and unfulfilled and blame each other. I believe that is a normal part of the adjustment of doing life together. And even, 27+ years down the road, I can say it still happens. The results aren't the same, but the feelings are real. Emotional and physical pain have a way of stripping us down even more.

When I gave my VALUE to him and left him in charge of how I saw myself, I set us both up for epic failure. And that's what happened.

Unfortunately those feelings, can lead to pushing back and dishing the same yuck out that we believe we've received. And sometimes it feels justified. Sometimes it might be. However, that is no way to live. That is only living "... for worse, til death do us part".

When I sat sobbing in our counselor's office 20+ years in, reeling from another trauma (I believe the stats are every 5-7 years - we have found that to be true) in our marriage, he asked me why I put my husband on a pedestal. I looked back, confused. What? My world just blew up, how did I have him on a pedestal?

It turns out, when you let someone (anyone, actually) determine your VALUE, you are elevating them beyond the heights they actually live, or can live up to.

Every time I left my VALUE to be determined by someone else, I experienced a crushing in my soul that left me with the limp I have today. I believe it is here to stay as a reminder to not give my VALUE away ever again.

I am a created being. Cell upon cell, doubling, exponentially increasing and a month late for my birthday. The One I call God, formed me. Spirit leads me now, in a way like never before, and my Jesus, the Lover of my soul, is more real now than I thought was possible.

After the implosion of every pedestal I put my beloved people on, I am moving forward with greater purpose and intention to LIVE my VALUE every day. I was created with VALUE, I have the opportunity to communicate this with my words and actions.

I am free to love and be loved. To treasure and be treasured. To cherish and be cherished. The pains of being in relationships no longer cause my VALUE to fluctuate.

Let me know if I can help you learn how to experience your VALUE for yourself.

Blessings!

FMF: Courage To Go DEEP

I am writing with the Five Minute Friday posse of wordsmiths again. Gosh, I love these people. They comment encouragement and make me want to write more. It never feels competitive or judgmental. I am grateful for this Tribe.

DEEP is the word of the week. It took longer than five minutes to write, but I hope you will feel it is worth your time.

I took this picture in my backyard jungle (strawberry patch). We all love strawberries, even the dog!

Once the easy to grasp or chomp fruits on the periphery of the jungle/patch have been consumed, we have to dig DEEP for the hidden deliciousness, risking spiders, other crawly creatures, twisty vines and pokey weeds.

Sound a bit like life?

Where is the best, longest lasting, life sustaining sweetest fruit found?

DEEP in the grayish jungle/patch of feelings, thoughts, and longings for more. Where only the Brave, risk tangled vines, fanged multi-legged creepers, and prickly weeds in search of richly ripened fruit.

There are times when it doesn't feel worth the risk of getting poked, tangled in, or bit by an unknown crawly thing to grasp what will hopefully, maybe possibly, be tasty out of the grayish bleh.


 
I prefer to look for fruit that is easily found, recognized by glowing light, angels singing, butterflies flitting about while a unicorn grazes nearby.


But, let's face it. The angel chorus fruit may be over-ripe and squish into our fingers leaving them stained, sticky, and attract flying stingers. It doesn't last long and it sustains nothing.

However, the hazy DEEP, pain-laden, belief-molting, theology-shredding places and seasons are worth reaching into. I've navigated enough of them that I am gaining strength in the coming out. Endurance and grace are in rich supply where the vibrant will to move forward fades to grayscale.

If you find yourself in that place or season, don't do it alone. Choose someone who will be in the DEEP with you, unafraid. They will bandage the pricks, bites, and untangle. They will breathe words of warmth in the frosty faded moments, weeks or months. They will be Spirit in flesh cautiously, tenderly, leading you out of the grayscale back to vibrancy.

You can go through the DEEP, find the freshest fruit, and flourish. It IS possible. Don't give up.

Hugs and prayers to you. I'm here if you need me.

Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value? Part 1

I talked about VALUE in my Five Minute Friday post last week and said I might bring it up again today because it is a HUGE part of what I believe changes and challenges to become the best people we can be. In becoming the best people we can be we need to keep in mind when and where we began to understand our value.

Who Determines Your Value?

Is it someone in your family? A parent? A child? A spouse? A friend? A lover? An ex __ ? God?

If you were raised in a Christian home like I was, where having a relationship with God was  discussed on a regular basis, your automatic response might be: "God is the one who determines my value." That's what I would have said.

Before.

Before my automatic response was assaulted by heartbreak, pain, lies, and exposure of things covered I didn't even think to look for.

The real answer comes in a long process; of discovering the things (and people) I'd given so much power to, so much of my value to, exposing the lies I believed about myself, and chronic pain in one form or another took a toll on my belief systems, and left me with a limp in my core. And I'm okay with that.

This limp I have, this is how I see you. How I hear you. How I come to know you.

I could start at the first place I knew my value was determined - My parents. But that would make for a long story. My parents weren't perfect, but they loved me, loved my sister and loved each other, even when it was ridiculously painful and hard to do so.

I had one constant friend who was strong, opinionated, cared about me, had parents that cared about me, and I let her take the lead in my value determination for a season (it was never her intent, I didn't know it either, at the time). This relationship stands out from the others because it was consistent.



Our almost 40 years of friendship remains intact and I treasure it now more than ever before. We had the backdrop of horses and horse shows, The Police (the band) obsessing, stirrup pants wearing, spiked hair styling, and parents who passionately loved us both. We grew together, we grew apart, we grew up and we talked then and now about the REAL life challenges we face along the way.

Here is what I learned from her: Don't quit. Don't be afraid. Details matter. No one but me should determine my value. 

Another key person to shape my value was a boy friend who became a boyfriend. Hanging out, talking late and cracking each other up, we were buddies. It seemed like we both knew the "right people" at school but didn't quite fit in, but we always fit together. I loved his family. He loved mine.

Once in college, a horseback riding accident of mine alerted him to deeper feelings and we became a couple. He was the first guy, besides my Daddy, to make me feel like I was a treasure to be protected and loved. We were a great team, friends forever for sure, but I didn't believe I would be good enough for him. It was sad. We were used to leaning on our friendship, and while we still cared deeply for each other we knew moving on was important.

Now, we're friends, from a distance. The kind of distance that is proper for both of us who have been married over twenty years to other people. I have tremendous peace the right choice was made, but sometimes, when the right song comes on, I can flash back to he and I in the "banana-mobile" rocking out over the healthy loud rumble of its motor.

What I learned from him: You can be a badass and be kind (he was an athlete AND a nice guy). I deserve to be respected. Relationships are better when they start as friends. Don't give up.

I had several other wonderful friendships during these seasons of life, but when I looked back on WHO shaped my understanding of my value, these two were key. I challenge you to write down what you learned from at least two of the people who were powerful influences in your life before you turned 21.

Are you wondering how I ended up with a limp in my soul? Tune in next week for Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value Part 2.

Five Minute Friday: VALUE

The Five Minute Friday Prompt today is VALUE. This topic is dear to my heart. I may revisit it on this week's Messy Monday because this key piece of self awareness can change your ability to love the life you live.

People are rose petals in the grass of life.
Your VALUE is vibrant (even if you didn't get out of bed today)!

Do you think your VALUE increases or decreases based on what you do or don't do?

1) Do you wonder if you were only different/better the people around you would be happier?
2) Do you feel lost or anxious when you aren't accomplishing something?

What do you do about it?

1) Make a mantra you can recite every time you feel like you have little to no VALUE.
     For example: "I have great value because I am loved and I love others."
2) Ask yourself if your friend or family member did/didn't do what you you did, would you talk to them the same way you talk to yourself?

Most of us grow up believing our VALUE fluctuates based on what we do or don't do. I'm here to tell you it does not. How do I know? The Creator says so. I don't have time to elaborate since my 5 minutes are up, but this is something I know based on decades of experiences of being loved and loving others.

Messy Monday:Big Purge, Mom's Depression, and Picking Up

Messy Monday includes a lot of mess this week. I have spent huge chunks of time this past week, conquering the stomach flu and a head cold, getting rid of a crazy amount of unnecessary paperwork and purging bins of "special" items.

Big Purge: My sweet Sophie was not grateful for my attention being divided between her and all the stuff. She walked on it, through it, and lay down in the middle of it several times.

Going through old paperwork brings up the past fairly effectively. My letters of recommendation, a letter of termination, an annual report I wrote for the county commissioners, a letter of "forgiveness" from someone who held me responsible for something I didn't do, and medical documentation of my 75 day and 145 day migraines.

There were love notes from my kids, hubby, parents, etc., countless notes I've taken from classes and sermons, certificates of completion, notebooks, journals, and cards - I cannot bring myself to throw cards away. It seems ridiculous. Until I read a letter written by my grandmother when I was in college. She died many years ago. I love seeing her handwriting, hearing her heart for me, and savoring the memories. So, the cards and letters get kept.

Special Items that got tossed- this handmade middle school kiln fired art that hung in my grandparents house from 1982-2017. I took this picture. Then, I threw it away.

And coupons. I am a coupon hoarder. The amount of coupons I have had to throw away because they expired is soooo lame. Like this one...












 Mom's Depression: I found this. I am not sure what kid made this, but, having spent most of their lives battling depression, it makes me sad and blesses me at the same time. Depression is real. It affects the whole family. I ache over the fact that my littles felt like they had to remind me to be happy. But, it was so sweet of them. Many times they comforted me. It's a hard thing to admit or look back on. But, it is their history, their reality, their past. I am glad I finally got the help I needed to make it their past and not their future with me.


Picking Up: See my shoes? My laptop cover? Yeah, I leave them out. My kids don't put their shoes away unless their Dad tells them to. I can't bring myself to always put stuff away. Pathetic but true. When wives complain about how they have to clean up after their husbands all the time, I almost feel bad that my Love is the one who usually picks up after me. Almost.

Pick ONE

Five Minute Friday time! This time last week was beyond rough, but it got better and I used the word from last week - Burden - in my Messy Monday blog. 

This week's prompt is the word ONE. 

I wrote in last weeks Messy Monday about things that you can do when you are struggling and need to get focused on moving forward. But what if even six small phrases or words feels like too much? I have had more times in my life than I can count where even ONE thing feels like too much.

But what if you could pick just ONE thing to focus on. I found this on Facebook and I love it, But even that can seem like too much - especially if you are neck deep in trauma, grief, depression, anger, whatever overwhelming-life-sucking-breath-taking event you are walking through. Just pick ONE thing. If it feels like too much, pick something else. There are no real hard and fast rules to surviving the really hard stuff. Here are two things I do:

1) ONE thing I choose when I am flooded by life stuff -- drink more water. Silly right? Well, I remember as a kid my Mom answered for me to "drink more water" if I questioned her about any ailment. Now it has become a family giggle that I am passing on to my kids. 

2) ONE other thing I've chosen in the past is sleep. Just to make sure I get eight hours of sleep. When I had little kids that wasn't possible -- see solution number ONE. (Wink)

Messy Monday: Goal Setting, Sharing Burdens, and Looking Ahead

This week's Messy Monday will hopefully encourage you as we come into the holidays and begin a new year. You matter to me. That is why I write. Your heart, mind, body, needs are worth investing in. Other's have done it for me, so I write for you.

Goal Setting: I have experienced goal setting with no goals met, some goals met, and all goals met. I have learned over the years a few handy tips I will share with you:

• The 1-3-5 format has been the single most helpful strategy I have ever used. If you want a copy let me know. I learned to use it from my coach and long time dear friend Terry Gurno. 
• Set FUN goals, things that will stretch you in different ways. For example, my last remaining goal for 2018 is to buy a pair of fantastic red shoes. I am not a shoe-a-holic at all and deliberately choosing to buy shoes because I have always wanted a pair, happens to be a stretch for me. 
• Don't wait until January of the new year to set goals. NOW is the best time to not only set them, but achieve them. 

If you want help, I can help you. Most people I know that achieve their goals work hard to do it, have people alongside them helping them reminding them their uniquely crafted purpose can be accomplished by no one else, and every goal set and met makes this happen. 

Sharing Burdens: The messiness of life can make a person feel overwhelmed and overcome by feelings of inadequacy, failure, and insignificance. This can be remedied by sharing your burdens in these ways: 

• Leaning into your faith. Wherever you are in your faith journey, lean in. If your faith is in God, lean there and pray, if it is in yourself, family or friends, lean there, regardless, you can't do it alone. 
• Trusted friends who can handle you speaking out your struggle without judgement and remind you of your value.
• Collaborate with trusted resources. For us, in this season of life (sons in elementary, middle and high school), we work with school administrations, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, and others who have navigated this season ahead of us. 

Don't hold your burdens close to your chest like a hand in poker. Bluffing your way through life or knowing you hold all the cards everyone else needs is equally unhelpful to you and those around you. 

Looking ahead: The rules of horseback riding - Eyes up, shoulders back, heels down. Where you look is where you'll go. My best friend and I went riding together all the time. She rode her quarter horse and I rode her little black Welsh pony named Licorice. That little thing dumped me more than once. Sometimes it was because I was looking down, hunched over, or had my legs bunched up. Sometimes I ended up looking down as I headed face first into the street/dirt/shrubs. Life feels like that, even if you don't have far to fall. 

One of the most powerful things I learned during my years in the saddle was what happens to my body when I look forward. My core holds me upright and centered, while the rest of me settles, softens, and becomes fluid with the movements of the horse. I haven't been in the saddle in years and I still remember that feeling. I use that awareness when dealing with hard things from being in labor, writing, parenting, doing a triathlon, etc. 

Peter's Thoughts

I never know what our kids are actually hearing - what their friends are saying, what the adults are saying, etc. We have only just started talking about Christmas at our house (mainly because I'm working that day), but our focus is Thanksgiving first.

This morning, on the way to school, our youngest son, Peter started talking to me about something that was bugging him. I asked him to type it up in my "Notes" on my phone so I could share it.

I was pretty proud of his insight and I promise, I didn't solicit any of it. He said it, just like this:

"It's like Thanksgiving doesn't exist this year. Everyone is talking about what they are going to get for Christmas. Christmas is about giving.

Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what you have. But everyone wants more and everyone thinks Thanksgiving is not happening this year. No one talks about it.

I talk about giving in Christmas - the only two reasons I like Christmas is because it is the day Jesus was born and getting to give to others."

We love our Peter-man so very much!

Messy Monday: Midnight Messy, Dressin' Up and Way Beyond Me

Happy Monday! It's late for me to be writing/posting this but I've been wrestling all week with what to say, again. I have lots of material, but I want to stick with the candid transparency I've committed to. 

Midnight Messy: I haven't been sleeping much. The wee hours have been my solace and my thought sorting window. Once everyone goes to bed, I try to get my worries to clear like a passing storm and the stillness of the midnight stars center me to release the fear I've had whirling all day. But, not so much. The tidal wave of the day's stress pours over me. This cloud formation I saw this afternoon was the perfect picture of what it feels like. Except, in it, I can't see the blue sky on the other side. I haven't quite figured out how to navigate this. For now, I pray, read and color in my Bible, and wait. 

Dressin' Up: Our guys have taken to dressing up lately. This is how they dressed for church yesterday and yes, I had to threaten them to get them to smile and play nice for the picture. They are becoming their own men. Choosing to wear ties, nice polos and do their hair. We have never been the "boys in suits and ties" kind of parents. Button ups and good jeans or khakis have been our rule of thumb from the beginning. This is what they want. We don't know exactly who they are becoming but when and where we can we work to support whatever process they are in, now. 

Way Beyond Me: I've said before, this whole parenting thing is frigging hard. 

• Shut up and let them learn from their mistakes, 
• Stay close and hear what's not being said even if the voice yelling at you (yes, that's allowed at our house - shocking for some, volume alone is not an indicator of disrespect in our opinion) is off-loading what seems like nonsense,
• Be present for their process but not control it,
• Listen with my body language - don't fold arms across chest or turn away, stay open, accessible,
• Ask hard questions and be patient if the answer is not what was expected,
• Don't make it about me - impatience and anger are BIG indicators that my discomfort outweighs whatever is going on with them,
• Know it will pass - some of it will be missed, some of it will bring a wave of relief it's over
• Make peace with not having all the answers or doing it "right". 
• SHOW UP - full attention on them, eye contact, SMILE.

I'm in the middle of learning this stuff. I am letting you in on how "Beyond Me" this feels. This song, I sing it almost every day, an anthem to my inadequacy that includes the reminder God is with me in this. WITH us. PRESENT. It's OKAY for most of life to feel like it's way Beyond Me.

Join me. Let me know what you need. We are in this life together. 

Words Worth REPEATing

Five Minute Friday again. It was nice to take a break for a day from blogging now it's time to write again!

Today's prompt is REPEAT.

Some words are worth REPEATing. Like this verse for example. It's a very clear declaration from God:
I HAVE made you.
I WILL carry you.
I WILL sustain you.
I WILL rescue you.

That's something God communicated.

What do you communicate REPEATedly?

You are NOT...
You'd better...
You should... (I personally hate this one the most)
You CAN...
You ARE...

God's Words are powerful. Our words are powerful.

Should people REPEAT what you say? The honest answer for me is -- mostly.

Extremely CLOSE

Today I finish the Five Minute Free Write challenge on this last day of October.

When fall comes to a CLOSE here in North Idaho, many of us retreat to our separate nests to tuck in for the winter. Other than school, sports and necessary errands, I tend to hibernate, enjoying the cozy fireplace and the other comforts of my home. 

This year I have employment that will put me on the road in the icy weather, communicating with strangers and interacting with coworkers pushing me beyond my hibernation comfort zone. The other thing that will be different this coming year is no migraine. 

I look forward to being CLOSE to my fellas up on the ski hill because I couldn't be there last year.

I will be CLOSE to my friends and my family as we celebrate birthdays and holidays since I missed most of them in 2018. 

Finally, I want to be extremely CLOSE to my God, to my beloved ones, and to the ones God has put in my path to treasure, encourage, and support through the cold gray months ahead. This will draw me into relationships this winter instead of into hibernation. 

Thank you for joining me these past 31 days as I have met this challenge head on. I know every blog hasn't been brilliant, but it is the first time in my adult life I have written every day for 31 full days. 

Blessings to you and I will be writing again for Five Minute Friday on November 2. 

Using My VOICE

I am coming in to the home stretch of the Five Minute Free Writes for the month of October. Honestly, this has been a good stretch for me mostly because it has forced me to write every day and try to strip down a topic I could write a thousand words on down to what I can type up in 5 minutes. Today's prompt is VOICE.

My VOICE prefers to be used for hope, speaking life, and blessing the people around me. It doesn't always get used for that, but it is definitely my preference and something I work hard to be consistent at.

A few days ago I posted a blog about kids cussing. One I agreed with - about how cussing isn't the ultimate bad words. You can read it here if you are curious (there is cussing in it, so be warned). I had a few friends respond about how cussing isn't good for anyone ever, how it shows a lack of imagination and disrespect. I don't disagree but I also do not intend to spend any time making sure my kids don't cuss.

We believe in teaching our sons how to use their VOICE to stand up for the hurting, speak up for the disrespected and declare the positive perspective. We spend our time focusing on who we want them to become, how we want them to speak and helping them discover their own VOICE in the context of the world today. Spending time on what we "don't" want them to do or become makes the focus on the "not to-s" not the "you are-s"

We have taught them they are Mighty Men called by God to speak life and blessing. This kind of rules out cussing as a regular option by default. They don't always do it. Neither do we. But, for our family, speaking life into our sons is about the you are ______, you can _______, not don't _______.

Messy Monday: Happy Gilmore, A Punch in the Face, and My Spirit Animal

I have managed to keep up on my Five Minute Free Write each day and today's prompt TOGETHER goes right along with what I have to say today.

I wish I could say it was a nice, restful week of contemplation and peace. It wasn't.

The reason I write my Messy Monday blog is so you and I know we are in this crazy loaded pitching machine of life TOGETHER.

Pitching machine = Life, Me = Happy Gilmore

This isn't a pity party, do not feel sorry for the challenges I am facing or the ones coming at you. Just square off and take it. Because it's not about me and it's not about you. Love each other, love well, and love like your life and the lives of the people around you depend on it. 

I mentioned in my Five Minute Friday post last week some of the challenges we are walking through as a family. I spent Saturday listening to two ten year olds plan their future like it was tomorrow and getting text messages about our swimmer son shaving four seconds off of his best time. Then Sunday, I went to work at the adolescent psych unit in our regions biggest hospital. 

Our son who was punched in the face last week didn't deserve it. He had no idea the other kid was struggling. A rambunctious game of dodge ball went out of bounds and our boy got a concussion either from the punch or from hitting the floor, out cold. We never know what the people around us are struggling with. It doesn't excuse an over reaction, but it does remind us to speak life and blessing. They need it. We can make a difference when we do. 

Finally, for this Messy Monday I needed to mention these guys:

 

My spirit animal - Unicorns (I don't have a picture but I am sure they are real), horses, zebras, big or small, make me HAPPY. My sister sent these pictures to me and they brought joy to my heart. I wish I could be one. I mean no disrespect to those who believe deeply in spirit animals, but my perspective on this is if I could be any one animal, I'd have four legs, hooves, whiskers, a big nose and a curious temperament. Well, I guess I'm almost there... ;)

Happy Messy Monday Friends! Soak it in, take the hits and try to find the HAPPY all week long. 

What is My SONG?

In March 2010 I wrote this blog about the soundtrack of my life. I mention Jr High Band Practice as one of the possiblities, a crazy person's iPod, grunge and a few other types of tunes. To this day it is one of my favorite blogs written during little kid & adopted big kid parenting days.

But, what is my SONG?


I have a few, but as I write tonight I am reminded of a song from my youth that breathed life into me the same way I inhaled the moist salty air of the ocean breeze not far from my childhood home.

I have been too many months away from my SONG, the crashing and splashing of waves on the shore. My SONG is in the ocean, the tidal ebb and flow, the thundering boom of powerful waves followed by foamy mist gliding ashore.

I didn't expect this SONG to bubble to the surface tonight. But, I am so glad it did.

Writing the last few Five Minute Free Write blogs for October - Today the prompt was SONG.

Living the WHOLE Dream

My friend Ken and I were talking the other day about the difference between living the dream and just dreaming.

We decided that it takes hard committed work to live the WHOLE dream. The effort to have an amazing marriage, to maintain quality relationships, and make memories that last a lifetime are worth it - if you don't settle. 

And by settling, I mean, not giving up the passion to see the dream I'm living. The WHOLE dream of  having a marriage that's work but work worth doing, being a parent, and having a home I love to be in. Living the WHOLE dream isn't living without flaws and challenges, it's seeing the dream as the perfect and imperfect beauty that it is. 

I am sure I need to focus more often, like I did on this picture, knowing I am living my WHOLE dream. Right now. Today.

Only a few more days of my Five Minute Free Write challenge - today's word is WHOLE.

Can You Give Me A MOMENT?!

I am seriously annoyed by the rapid fire challenges heading my direction these days. A few have had life altering potential but some are just plain old look up to the sky and say, "Really? Just a MOMENT to breathe would be amazing!"

Our guys are doing pretty well these days, mostly. Until:

• Fixated girl demands attention to the point where the S.R.O. (school cop) has to get involved 
• Several authority figures accuse for things not done 
• Smack talk the wrong kid and a sharp right hook knocks unconscious requiring EMS, police, security, video surveillance, Emergency Dept, doctors, MRI, CT, concussion 

I told my Love I felt I needed a prize for getting through this week. Just a MOMENT to celebrate survival.

But I keep going - Five Minute Friday today with the prompt MOMENT.

Pictures from a few years ago when

I thought parenting was challenging.

CAPTURE To Break Free

CAPTURE is the Five Minute Free Write for today. It is sparking some interesting thoughts for me.

Ever since I had an unfortunate experience of transference over 20 years ago, I have been extra aware of the need to CAPTURE my thoughts before they run away and take on a life of their own.

Perspective is everything.

I've found it's not enough to CAPTURE my thoughts, but I have to re-frame them and see with a more powerful perspective. "I am not the center of the Universe!" How something effects me isn't the ultimate guide to decision making. Right?!

Our society has cultivated a victim mindset in so many ways that its become as subtle as a whispered lie in my ear. In order to recognize and live the freedom God has given me in Jesus, I have to not only CAPTURE the thoughts that seem so real and rational but replace them with wisdom that isn't focused on my self-serving perspective.

If you aren't a big Jesus fan, that's just fine. There is still more freedom on the other side of CAPTURing self-serving/destructive/unhealthy thoughts and shifting perspective to see a bigger picture.

After all these years of practice I have developed a unique way of doing this. For more information or to schedule a free consult, send me an email at uniquelycraftedpurpose@gmail.com.

BRIEF Windows of Rest

I'm listening to podcasts today. Michael Hyatt is talking about the "discomfort zone". We want our time in that zone to be BRIEF right? If we are uncomfortable we want it over with as soon as possible!

What if I am supposed to live in the "Discomfort Zone"? I get a bit queasy just thinking about it being a long term lifestyle.

I don't grow or get stronger if I live comfortable. 

But, I can't go non-stop out of my comfort zone or I crack up. Not the funny kind either. I end up practically catatonic on the couch binge watching something useless on Netflix.

Now, I schedule BRIEF windows of rest from my "discomfort zone" schedule. I give myself permission to take a break to do something "useless" at least once a day. If you are a sprinter like I am - I work harder to earn my BRIEF rest than if I don't think I'll ever be done enough to get a break.

I took a BRIEF rest yesterday to catch the sunrise at the lake.

The discomfort zone feels less intimidating to me if I have a BRIEF planned window to be comfortable.

What do you do to rest? What do you do to
keep motivated and stay uncomfortable enough to reach your goals?

If you have no idea how to answer either one of these questions. Let me know. I can help.

My Five Minute Free Write prompt today was BRIEF.

COMMON Struggles

COMMON is the Five Minute Free Write prompt for today.

What do we all share?

We all have COMMON problems here in middle America. We have toilets that get clogged, cell phones that break when dropped, kids that are naughty upon occasion and our own choices and behaviors are questionable at times.

But, why do I and several of the people I know act like we have the corner on a particular problem? If it is a COMMON struggle, how come I think I'm the only one failing at ___?

Because another COMMON thing is that we convince ourselves that no one else is struggling with it too. It doesn't matter if that is true or not, it's what we choose to believe in the moment and so we run with it and let it cement in our souls like it is the Gospel. It isn't. It's actually nonsense.

Seriously, when was the last time you were sure:

No one else ate when stressed like you do?
No one else made that BIG mistake?
No one else was depressed like you?

We all are. We do it. We think it. You are not alone. You can make it through today, one breath at a time.

When you need me, I am here.

Messy Monday: HELP! Getting Bucked Off, and The Big Sort

I am still trying to keep up with the Five Minute Free Write goal of writing for 5 minutes every day in the month of October. Here is day 22 HELP combined with my Messy Monday (which took longer than 5 minutes.

HELP!

Growing up is stinking hard work! When I look at these two pictures right next to each other it is crazy to see Tigger taller than me, looking cool in a denim jacket, moody blue eyes and hunky good looks. And Pooh Bear, hair styled, almost taller than me, mischievous blue eyes and big time girl magnet too.

I can't believe how similar and how different they are from their former selves. I used to try to look at their baby faces and try to imagine what they'd look like as men. Now, I can see it. And hear it. And meet the challenge of it. Most of the time with Grace. However, I am leaning hard on God's HELP to influence them with kindness, encouragement, and consistent accountability in a world that often seems to value none of the above. 

Getting Bucked Off:

Yesterday I was tired! So tired I had a hard time thinking at.all. It was my final training day and for over 2 weeks now, I had been training on the Unit in the hospital where I am an inpatient secretary. I was sitting on a chair I raised just an inch or so and I reached for a pen and ... fell, butt first -- on the floor -- in front of all the nurses, counselors, and other staff. It was humiliating. I got bucked off a CHAIR. Seriously. I laughed then made a comment about doing all my own stunts, one of the counselors helped me off the ground and my trainer asked me if I was okay. I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to admit to getting maimed by a chair. 

Mt. Laundry: 

We have stuff. It's time for the post-summer purge of outgrown, over stained, and holey things. This is usually done over the weekend and it's over quickly. However, because I worked on Sunday, a ten hour shift with an hour drive on each end, this lovely pile has been staring me down all day. This is my true definition of Messy Monday. When the actual MESS of life is everywhere I look and I have the choice to be overwhelmed or receive the gift of our sons, yet again and be grateful for clothes to go through, boys to mess them up and a warm house to sort them in. I will give away what is still presentable, toss what is unwearable, and pack up what remains for next summer's fun.

START Letting Go

I wanted to be a Mom my whole life. Got married at 20 so for sure I thought I'd be done having babies by the time I was 30, right? Nope. I was 32 when I found out, on this day, 15 years ago that I finally had joined the "Mommy" club. 

I had no idea at the time the pain I was longing for. I found out I was pregnant and it was an epic celebration. I was super thrilled, as were all of our friends who had watched us struggle for over 9 years with infertility. 

I knew, in advance, from the time the umbilical cord was cut, I was going to have to START letting go. Here I am, 15 years later, learning about yet another layer of letting go. Giving our oldest more freedom, more space, more opportunities to succeed or fail is crazy hard. I am sure keeping him locked in the house for the next 5-10 years would also be challenging, but I am not sure it's a bad idea some days.

We enjoy who he's becoming. We are glad he's ours. 15 years we discovered he was on his way, and as of his actual birth day - we've had to START letting go. 

Who Is My Audience?

Today's Five Minute Free Write prompt is AUDIENCE.

Who is my AUDIENCE?

Women 18-35? Women 35-55? Men 45-55?

If you would be willing to comment about who you are and what you like about my blog. What you like, what is boring, what you want me to write more about, that would be so helpful.



My heart for my AUDIENCE is this:

I want to encourage you.
I want to build you up and remind you that the pain of life can strengthen you and not destroy you.
I want to write transparently enough that you feel safe to be real but not so candid you cringe every blog.

Does that make sense? I hope so. I really want to know what you think about this. I don't write for me, I always write with you in mind.

WHO is Perfect?

WHO do you give yourself permission to be? Do you have to be perfect or do you feel guilty if you aren't?

WHO do you give the people around you permission to be? Do you allow the people around you to be imperfect or do you demand perfection?

The Five Minute Friday prompt this week is WHO

I want to do this -->

I want to intentionally express to the people around me, starting in my home, they are LOVED and they BELONG.

They don't have to do "it" right. They don't have to "be" anything in particular.And they never have to be perfect to be in relationship with me.

WHO do you value?
How do you communicate that to them?
Do they feel like they belong in your presence?
If they do, how do you know?
If they don't, how do you know?

The book I've listened to twice because it was so incredibly insightful, was Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene' Brown. Read it. It's fantastic! Encouraging in this day and age where so many are trying to prove they matter.

A SEARCH Resulting In The Unexpected

Free Write for Five Minutes prompt today is SEARCH.

SEARCH

An amazing park right in the middle of where I work.

What do you SEARCH for? My answer: People or things of great value.

When we look we always find something. It may not be what we were looking for. What do you do when your SEARCH comes up with something new instead of what you expected? Are you willing to change direction? Plot a new course? Or do you throw what you found to the side and proceed forward regardless of what it was.

For me, because of who I am, if I am SEARCHing for something and I find something else instead, I wonder why. I stop and consider if this is something worth following or is it something I need to walk past?

I found my job that way. I was SEARCHing for a way to pay my bill but ended up sending in a resume'. Three months later I am trained and working and loving it. Six months ago I would have never considered what I'm doing as an option. But I am super happy with how this SEARCH turned out, even if I wasn't expecting the result I ended up with.

PAUSE: A Key to Depression Prevention

Five Minute Free Write today is PAUSE.

I've written about my ongoing battle with depression several times. One of the ways I've learned to push back from the edge of the Black Hole is to PAUSE.

Do you ever have a moment where you want to freeze time and just hold still, soak it up and breathe deeply? For me - occasionally.

I love ballooning for a bunch of reasons, one of which is the PAUSE
that comes after the burner is used when there is just silence.

Do you ever have to make yourself stop, take in what is going on in your world and receive the gifts you've been given? For me - absolutely!

When I'm skirting the edge of the Black Hole of depression or getting close to falling in, I PAUSE. I look for the great things (my people), the good things (having a solid roof over my head, running water, a car to drive, food to eat) and the "daily" things t
hat have to be done but I don't always appreciate my ability to do them (cooking, cleaning, shuttling my kids around). If I PAUSE and see these things for the gifts they are, I can back away from the Hole for a few minutes, a few days, a few weeks or even, if it's sunny consistently, a few months. But I have to make myself PAUSE regularly to keep from the dark despair that comes with the Hole.

If I am IN the Hole, it's impossible or very close to it to find the good, see the great, or be amused by the "daily" stuff. That's when I go to my doctor. Modern medicine isn't the ultimate solution, but by the time I get to him, I've tried exercise, thinking happy thoughts, journaling, etc.

Like a picture captures a moment, take a moment.Stop and look around you. PAUSE.

Messy Monday: Tuesday Edition, PRAY, Coffee and Flames

This week was messy enough for me to forget what day it is. I haven't had one of these kinds of weeks in a while.

PRAY is the Five Minute Free Write today. So, because I am behind schedule, I will be combining them both.

I recently started training for my new job. I am working all kinds of different hours the last few weeks. I literally forgot what day it was until last night, when I realized I completely missed Monday! A combination of 8 hour and 10 hour days, juggling the boys schedules, and even threw in a food/art/geography project.

An island. Created with Rice Crispies, Cocoa Crispies, and Lucky Charms. And according to my son, he and his class thought it was magically delicious. Though you couldn't have paid me to taste it.

What's wrong with this?

I have no idea where I found this. But I love it. #true

Nothing! The essence of why I started writing Messy Monday. An this week, on Tuesday! I hope you are smiling by now...

PRAY - often. All day. Because you can. Talking to God has changed my life. It could really be so much worse. God is not a great fairy godfather in the sky to lean on as a crutch to survive my life. It is a necessity to remind my that my life isn't about me. It's about loving and serving others in a non-codependent way (took me years to figure this out!).

You don't have to do it. But if you do, even when you're mad, you likely won't regret it. Believing that Life is bigger than the space you see hear and know, expands your ability to understand and have compassion in the big wild crazy world around you. At least that's why I PRAY.

The more hours I work the more I am completely confident this is true! I loved this. Made.Me.Laugh. I am so grateful for people who come up with this stuff. Seriously, it makes my life better - Coffee and funny coffee memes.

A seriously bad day for someone definitely reminded me why I don't like foreign cars. No, just kidding. But I was leaving work the other day and I saw this. Suddenly, I didn't think my day was so hard. Keep this in mind - If your car doesn't catch fire and melt before your eyes, your day can't be that bad...

Catch you next MONDAY with more messiness!