Pick ONE

Five Minute Friday time! This time last week was beyond rough, but it got better and I used the word from last week - Burden - in my Messy Monday blog. 

This week's prompt is the word ONE. 

I wrote in last weeks Messy Monday about things that you can do when you are struggling and need to get focused on moving forward. But what if even six small phrases or words feels like too much? I have had more times in my life than I can count where even ONE thing feels like too much.

But what if you could pick just ONE thing to focus on. I found this on Facebook and I love it, But even that can seem like too much - especially if you are neck deep in trauma, grief, depression, anger, whatever overwhelming-life-sucking-breath-taking event you are walking through. Just pick ONE thing. If it feels like too much, pick something else. There are no real hard and fast rules to surviving the really hard stuff. Here are two things I do:

1) ONE thing I choose when I am flooded by life stuff -- drink more water. Silly right? Well, I remember as a kid my Mom answered for me to "drink more water" if I questioned her about any ailment. Now it has become a family giggle that I am passing on to my kids. 

2) ONE other thing I've chosen in the past is sleep. Just to make sure I get eight hours of sleep. When I had little kids that wasn't possible -- see solution number ONE. (Wink)

WHY is this happening to me?!

Free Writing Prompt Day 4 - Write for 5 minutes on this word: WHY?

GO.

We had something traumatic happen in our family recently. My heart and mind soaked it up and hit repeat, It was visceral. On an automatic loop in my head, but also all the sweat soaking anxiety, punched in the gut, smashed in the face blasting, over and over again. After about four days of this non-stop earth shaking craziness happening in me, I finally asked God:

WHY?

Looking close at anything alters your perspective.

Why am I reliving this trauma on a loop like a song I hate on shuffle in my head?

Why can't I shake the internal quaking loose and let it go?

Why does it feel like its embedded in my spirit? 

The answer came in the still small voice, I've heard all my life, "This isn't about you. It's about Me, the bigger picture, the scope reaches far beyond what you will ever see. I am sorry it hurts with such intensity. Please trust Me on this."

Then I felt the release. My heart still ached from the events that could never be undone, but, the realization that something bigger was going on brought enough peace to not obsess. The panic attacks slowly subsided and the hyper-vigilance I was living in, washed away eventually. 

Since then, I try to keep in mind that the question WHY really can't be answered most of the time. Not from an earthly perspective, anyway. 

STOP.