Messy Monday: Goals, Plans, and Great Expectations

Last Monday I completely soaked up my family time and let the Messiness of the week before fade into the last minutes of 2018. It was a rough year with some great highlights.

I realized, while watching the Rose Parade (streaming poorly-this sad California girl was not happy) that I didn't accomplish my final most likely to happen goal of 2018: Buy Awesome RED Shoes

Seriously, who puts off buying glorious red shoes?! Apparently me. Because it didn't happen. I'm going to just let it go, I think. If, like Dorothy, some amazing red shoes show up right in front of me, then maybe I'll buy them.

Goals: This past weekend we did something as a family besides puberty stricken alpha males posturing for supremacy and avoid chores with equal intensity. I walked them each through my favorite Goal Setting Plan I got from my Coach and Friend, Terry Gurno. It is the 1-3-5 method. I asked a few questions I gathered from my Living Well Planner by Ruth Soukup, and then started writing what they said.

We each prayed about what word we would focus on for the year.

Our big 3 goals.

Then the 1-3-5

1) A statement that puts into a sentence or two what you want to achieve for the coming year.
3) Write the three goals listed in your sentence.
5) Write down 5 things you can do to accomplish the goal.

Here is Mine for this year:
My Word: Embrace

My big 3: Take Action, Get Stronger, Stay Open

ONE: In 2019 I will embrace taking more action, getting stronger, and staying open to being led by the Spirit. 

THREE and FIVE:

1--Take Action - Just DO it! No more pondering, planning, waiting, avoiding, or procrastinating.
     1)Workout
     2) Write
     3) Organize
     4) Clean
     5) Pray

2-- Get Stronger - Power UP!
     1) Mentally Stronger: Push through hard stuff - engage tenacity!
     2) Physically Stronger: Endurance cardio and weight lifting
     3) Spiritually Stronger: Read New Testament and write down/pray through my dreams
     4) Emotionally Stronger - Allow space for being a woman (in my man-full house), counseling
     5) Practically Stronger - Gym bag packed and ready, playlists, good Kleenex, journal   

3-- Stay Open - Flexible, available, come what may.
     1) Listen carefully to Spirit - be quiet
     2) Schedule "Open" times for appointments that arise
     3) Say YES more, to Spirit, to my Love, my fellas, as led
     4) Available mindset - don't be so focused on my agenda that I miss something important
     5) Embrace curve balls - something is always going to shake up the plan, go with it!

Plans: We keep making plans and like an epic game of whack-a-mole - and then something pops up. Then something else before you can grab a hammer, then something else once you whack the mole, another one shows up, but what if I grab a hammer in each hand and play! Laugh as the moles pop up, I bop them on the head and then again and again. Pretend this is that famous Mouse with bad pizza and sticky floors place and jump in all the way!!!

Great Expectations: After six months of a migraine, a complete hysterectomy, recovery from both, medical bills, sons in horrible situations/events that required constant attention and collaboration with the administration of schools, police, administration in other organizations, doctors, and nurses, I have high hopes for 2019. As I stated above, regardless of what comes my way, I am much stronger than I was at the beginning of 2018. For that, I am incredibly grateful!

Feel free to reach out if you have any questions and I have a copy of the actual 1-3-5 form you can fill out.

Messy Monday: Back to School, Averages, and Making Time

I skipped last week, and my Love would say I need to be in bed instead of making sure I post this week. However, I made a commitment to mention my messiness so here it is!

AND SHINY THINGS!!!

Introducing ME! 

I started back to school on the 10th. My "vintage" credits made most of the cut so I am starting mid-Junior year as far as credits go.  Here is the introduction entry I made for my first assignment. 

Jennifer Bogdanowicz here, majoring in Healthcare Administration, living in northern Idaho with my husband of 27+ years, our three sons who are 14, 13, and 10. I have served in multiple administrative and medical positions over the years. I finally decided to combine the two and do something useful with both. I never wanted a career, only to be a stay at home mom. Almost 10 years of infertility forced me to get a job (or many) and find a way to invest in people since I couldn’t be a parent. My resume’ is loaded with everything from Head Athletic Trainer, Executive Assistant to Idaho State Fire Commissioners, Emergency Medical Technician, Pony Pals ride operator, substitute teacher, owner of Live Courageous Coaching, LLC, and currently the Supplemental Inpatient Secretary for the Adolescent Psych Unit in our region’s largest hospital.

I am an avid blogger, specializing in transparency regarding marriage, parenting, and life in general. I love Jesus, adore Brene’ Brown, appreciate sarcasm, and swear more than my husband. Our family motto is “Be the Blessing” and we actively work together at encouraging others and laughing hard every day.

I believe Leadership happens by intentional example. I have served in multiple leadership positions since I was 16 (roughly 1,000 years ago). I love audiobooks on leadership and drive my family crazy with reminders they make an impact – positive or negative – wherever they go with quotes like “Your response is your responsibility.” “Did you communicate blessing with your words or actions?” and “Speak Life, Damnit!”

I look forward to growing personally and professionally in the process of completing my degree. This class looks like it will bring up great revelation and stir up things I’ve learned in the past that have been dormant for decades.

Now, last week I managed to get 9/10, 25/25, and 40/40. I anticipate I am not likely to repeat this glorious miracle due to my inattention to the APA style of formatting required. I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. In the meantime, I celebrated Christmas early with my people tonight, had a celebratory dinner, finished up the last week of their schooling by taking a zillion pictures, attending festivities, hosting a Christmas party for the boys friends and their parents (I highly recommend this), and somehow managing to wrap, mail, and only be stressing over about 20 Christmas cards I still haven't sent yet. So, I am hoping that this assignment, even if I bomb it can be counteracted by brilliance in the next few weeks. I'm not holding my breath... but I do love the class and being in school again!

I spent the WHOLE day with my family yesterday. Sitting in a not-cozy lodge at the top of a gorgeous mountain and soaking up my people and our friends. It was a gift. Just being. I was supposed to download some school work, but it didn't work so I colored instead. Most inspiring moment: Watching my Love choose to learn something new. After 45 years on skis he got on a snowboard! I was crazy proud, made our friend promise not to break him, and loved being there to witness the choice, the lesson (some of it, at least) and the post effort pains of learning a new physical skill after 40...

This week was MESSY, but soooo worth it. I certainly sent my fair share of PLEASE PRAY texts to my tight few who slay dragons in the heavenlies for me on a regular basis. We also had some gut crunching belly laughs, smart ass brilliance, and quality conversations.

Merry Christmas!
Stay MESSY my Friends!

Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value Part 2

Last week I wrote about who I let determine my value in my youth. My parents and my two closest best friends were powerful components to me becoming who I am today. Like I said before, certainly not the only influences, but definitely transforming.

I have had some incredible people surround me in my adulthood who have shaped my understanding of my value. When my Love and I moved to Idaho before our first anniversary I had no idea how my Idaho people would become a whole layer of family I never imagined possible.

But, before that... I signed over my value to someone at the ripe old age of 20.

Back then I thought that was what you did. You lean in to the one you say "I do, forever til death do us part," and that's it. He's mine, I'm his, and that's the way God designed it to be. That is what I'd been taught, what I'd seen and all I knew. 

The problem with giving your freshly appointed spouse the power to determine your VALUE is they don't know what it means when you do that. They don't realize what happens inside you when:

• They get frustrated with you - YOU are wrong
• They are hurt - YOU hurt them
• They are unhappy - YOU are failing
• They aren't getting what they want out of life - YOU are at fault

Sometimes, in marriage, we get frustrated, hurt, unhappy, and unfulfilled and blame each other. I believe that is a normal part of the adjustment of doing life together. And even, 27+ years down the road, I can say it still happens. The results aren't the same, but the feelings are real. Emotional and physical pain have a way of stripping us down even more.

When I gave my VALUE to him and left him in charge of how I saw myself, I set us both up for epic failure. And that's what happened.

Unfortunately those feelings, can lead to pushing back and dishing the same yuck out that we believe we've received. And sometimes it feels justified. Sometimes it might be. However, that is no way to live. That is only living "... for worse, til death do us part".

When I sat sobbing in our counselor's office 20+ years in, reeling from another trauma (I believe the stats are every 5-7 years - we have found that to be true) in our marriage, he asked me why I put my husband on a pedestal. I looked back, confused. What? My world just blew up, how did I have him on a pedestal?

It turns out, when you let someone (anyone, actually) determine your VALUE, you are elevating them beyond the heights they actually live, or can live up to.

Every time I left my VALUE to be determined by someone else, I experienced a crushing in my soul that left me with the limp I have today. I believe it is here to stay as a reminder to not give my VALUE away ever again.

I am a created being. Cell upon cell, doubling, exponentially increasing and a month late for my birthday. The One I call God, formed me. Spirit leads me now, in a way like never before, and my Jesus, the Lover of my soul, is more real now than I thought was possible.

After the implosion of every pedestal I put my beloved people on, I am moving forward with greater purpose and intention to LIVE my VALUE every day. I was created with VALUE, I have the opportunity to communicate this with my words and actions.

I am free to love and be loved. To treasure and be treasured. To cherish and be cherished. The pains of being in relationships no longer cause my VALUE to fluctuate.

Let me know if I can help you learn how to experience your VALUE for yourself.

Blessings!

Pick ONE

Five Minute Friday time! This time last week was beyond rough, but it got better and I used the word from last week - Burden - in my Messy Monday blog. 

This week's prompt is the word ONE. 

I wrote in last weeks Messy Monday about things that you can do when you are struggling and need to get focused on moving forward. But what if even six small phrases or words feels like too much? I have had more times in my life than I can count where even ONE thing feels like too much.

But what if you could pick just ONE thing to focus on. I found this on Facebook and I love it, But even that can seem like too much - especially if you are neck deep in trauma, grief, depression, anger, whatever overwhelming-life-sucking-breath-taking event you are walking through. Just pick ONE thing. If it feels like too much, pick something else. There are no real hard and fast rules to surviving the really hard stuff. Here are two things I do:

1) ONE thing I choose when I am flooded by life stuff -- drink more water. Silly right? Well, I remember as a kid my Mom answered for me to "drink more water" if I questioned her about any ailment. Now it has become a family giggle that I am passing on to my kids. 

2) ONE other thing I've chosen in the past is sleep. Just to make sure I get eight hours of sleep. When I had little kids that wasn't possible -- see solution number ONE. (Wink)

Messy Monday: Goal Setting, Sharing Burdens, and Looking Ahead

This week's Messy Monday will hopefully encourage you as we come into the holidays and begin a new year. You matter to me. That is why I write. Your heart, mind, body, needs are worth investing in. Other's have done it for me, so I write for you.

Goal Setting: I have experienced goal setting with no goals met, some goals met, and all goals met. I have learned over the years a few handy tips I will share with you:

• The 1-3-5 format has been the single most helpful strategy I have ever used. If you want a copy let me know. I learned to use it from my coach and long time dear friend Terry Gurno. 
• Set FUN goals, things that will stretch you in different ways. For example, my last remaining goal for 2018 is to buy a pair of fantastic red shoes. I am not a shoe-a-holic at all and deliberately choosing to buy shoes because I have always wanted a pair, happens to be a stretch for me. 
• Don't wait until January of the new year to set goals. NOW is the best time to not only set them, but achieve them. 

If you want help, I can help you. Most people I know that achieve their goals work hard to do it, have people alongside them helping them reminding them their uniquely crafted purpose can be accomplished by no one else, and every goal set and met makes this happen. 

Sharing Burdens: The messiness of life can make a person feel overwhelmed and overcome by feelings of inadequacy, failure, and insignificance. This can be remedied by sharing your burdens in these ways: 

• Leaning into your faith. Wherever you are in your faith journey, lean in. If your faith is in God, lean there and pray, if it is in yourself, family or friends, lean there, regardless, you can't do it alone. 
• Trusted friends who can handle you speaking out your struggle without judgement and remind you of your value.
• Collaborate with trusted resources. For us, in this season of life (sons in elementary, middle and high school), we work with school administrations, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, and others who have navigated this season ahead of us. 

Don't hold your burdens close to your chest like a hand in poker. Bluffing your way through life or knowing you hold all the cards everyone else needs is equally unhelpful to you and those around you. 

Looking ahead: The rules of horseback riding - Eyes up, shoulders back, heels down. Where you look is where you'll go. My best friend and I went riding together all the time. She rode her quarter horse and I rode her little black Welsh pony named Licorice. That little thing dumped me more than once. Sometimes it was because I was looking down, hunched over, or had my legs bunched up. Sometimes I ended up looking down as I headed face first into the street/dirt/shrubs. Life feels like that, even if you don't have far to fall. 

One of the most powerful things I learned during my years in the saddle was what happens to my body when I look forward. My core holds me upright and centered, while the rest of me settles, softens, and becomes fluid with the movements of the horse. I haven't been in the saddle in years and I still remember that feeling. I use that awareness when dealing with hard things from being in labor, writing, parenting, doing a triathlon, etc. 

Messy Monday: Happy Gilmore, A Punch in the Face, and My Spirit Animal

I have managed to keep up on my Five Minute Free Write each day and today's prompt TOGETHER goes right along with what I have to say today.

I wish I could say it was a nice, restful week of contemplation and peace. It wasn't.

The reason I write my Messy Monday blog is so you and I know we are in this crazy loaded pitching machine of life TOGETHER.

Pitching machine = Life, Me = Happy Gilmore

This isn't a pity party, do not feel sorry for the challenges I am facing or the ones coming at you. Just square off and take it. Because it's not about me and it's not about you. Love each other, love well, and love like your life and the lives of the people around you depend on it. 

I mentioned in my Five Minute Friday post last week some of the challenges we are walking through as a family. I spent Saturday listening to two ten year olds plan their future like it was tomorrow and getting text messages about our swimmer son shaving four seconds off of his best time. Then Sunday, I went to work at the adolescent psych unit in our regions biggest hospital. 

Our son who was punched in the face last week didn't deserve it. He had no idea the other kid was struggling. A rambunctious game of dodge ball went out of bounds and our boy got a concussion either from the punch or from hitting the floor, out cold. We never know what the people around us are struggling with. It doesn't excuse an over reaction, but it does remind us to speak life and blessing. They need it. We can make a difference when we do. 

Finally, for this Messy Monday I needed to mention these guys:

 

My spirit animal - Unicorns (I don't have a picture but I am sure they are real), horses, zebras, big or small, make me HAPPY. My sister sent these pictures to me and they brought joy to my heart. I wish I could be one. I mean no disrespect to those who believe deeply in spirit animals, but my perspective on this is if I could be any one animal, I'd have four legs, hooves, whiskers, a big nose and a curious temperament. Well, I guess I'm almost there... ;)

Happy Messy Monday Friends! Soak it in, take the hits and try to find the HAPPY all week long.