Our Anniversary is the Only Holiday We Earn

Our first decade we spent growing up, making ridiculous financial decisions, fighting, and transitioning our lives from southern California to north Idaho living. We found a church home, grew in our faith, and wrestled with the discomfort of identity crisis and infertility. We stretched in ways we did not know we could move, and we bent in places that had no joint. And we celebrated 10 years by renewing our vows with our close friends. It was only the beginning of knowing what those vows meant.

Our second decade we spent trying to figure out how to grow together despite our differences. How to lean into the friendship we built, connect on a deeper level with the dear ones around us as our prayers were answered and we became parents. Moving from the house we built together to make room for Erik’s mom to move in with us for a season, learning to live together within the challenge of navigating post-partum depression, the loss of a baby, and parenting three under five tested our relationship in ways we could never have imagined. And we celebrated 20 years by renewing our vows with close friends and family. It was another chapter of understanding what those vows meant.

Our third decade is almost over. We have spent it growing with our kids in developmental stages of parenting as they challenge and change us in new ways. Another identity crisis, more tears and choices, more transitions, overcoming and investing in the ones God’s called us to, outside of our bloodline. There are many who pray and remind us of how far we have come and how God’s amazing Grace provides for our every need, daily. Without them I do not know if we would have made it this far. Our differences remain tangible, our ability to make each other laugh virtually effortless, and our commitment to choose Love, even when it scars our souls and is unimaginably uncomfortable remains. And I imagine we will renew our vows again for our 30^th anniversary, because it still matters what those vows mean.

Messy Monday: Fear SUCKS!

Fear SUCKS
the joy
the peace
the hope
the energy
the vision
the purpose
the focus
out of life.

I woke up with what felt very much like a nightmare this morning. I've studied dream interpretation for years so I am still sorting out the message in it. I know there is one, but for now, I'm using it to get back to my Messy Monday blogging.

Things are going pretty great right now.

And I am scared!

I have become so used to navigating shocking, painful, and challenging life, that I am struggling deeply with the reprieve.

I don't trust the rest.

Living with clinical depression with a side order of obnoxious levels of anxiety forces a hyper-vigilance that when there is a reprieve, I'm left floundering for something to freak out about.

Ridiculous waste of rest.

Experience tells me things will be hard again, in one way or another, because the normal ebb and flow of life happens that way. The irony is, just a few weeks ago I was talking with a friend who struggles with similar things and I was encouraging her to just rest and be.

I can look at this season as a temporary stay of execution fretting over impending doom yet unknown, or I can look at it like recess, an opportunity to take a break from the growing, learning, and stretching, to play hard, laugh more, and make space for resting and being present in this moment.

I pick recess!

I took my big guys on an overnight getaway during their spring break.
The sun shined so we put the top down on the convertible
and soaked up the rays, even though it was a bit chilly.

Five Minute Friday: BALANCE?!

Today's Five Minute Friday prompt is one I have wrestled with for years.

I have concluded: looking for, pursuing and seeking BALANCE is a waste of time.

I've spent more time trying to do that than being present. In life. What I've found in trying to find BALANCE is I spend more time wondering/worrying if something I'm doing or not doing is the right thing. Spending time trying to find BALANCE is like standing in the middle of a teeter totter while kids, church, school, dog, neighbors, friends, family and whoever else, jump on and off of either side randomly and with varying intensity. That is not a wise place to stand, as far as I'm concerned.

Snagged this from Google

I'd rather be on one side, adjusting as needed to the ups and downs as they come, being fully present in what is - which I believe is way more valuable and effective not only for my heart and mind but for the people around me.

And then there's this...

“I can confidently say that stories of pain and courage almost always include two things: praying and cussing. Sometimes at the exact same time.” ― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

This book changed me. It gave me permission to do exactly what I wrote above. My faith was strengthened, my trust in who God created me to be and what He built me to say was reinforced so I can be fully present, regardless of what happens, making the need for BALANCE irrelevant.

FMF: Courage To Go DEEP

I am writing with the Five Minute Friday posse of wordsmiths again. Gosh, I love these people. They comment encouragement and make me want to write more. It never feels competitive or judgmental. I am grateful for this Tribe.

DEEP is the word of the week. It took longer than five minutes to write, but I hope you will feel it is worth your time.

I took this picture in my backyard jungle (strawberry patch). We all love strawberries, even the dog!

Once the easy to grasp or chomp fruits on the periphery of the jungle/patch have been consumed, we have to dig DEEP for the hidden deliciousness, risking spiders, other crawly creatures, twisty vines and pokey weeds.

Sound a bit like life?

Where is the best, longest lasting, life sustaining sweetest fruit found?

DEEP in the grayish jungle/patch of feelings, thoughts, and longings for more. Where only the Brave, risk tangled vines, fanged multi-legged creepers, and prickly weeds in search of richly ripened fruit.

There are times when it doesn't feel worth the risk of getting poked, tangled in, or bit by an unknown crawly thing to grasp what will hopefully, maybe possibly, be tasty out of the grayish bleh.


 
I prefer to look for fruit that is easily found, recognized by glowing light, angels singing, butterflies flitting about while a unicorn grazes nearby.


But, let's face it. The angel chorus fruit may be over-ripe and squish into our fingers leaving them stained, sticky, and attract flying stingers. It doesn't last long and it sustains nothing.

However, the hazy DEEP, pain-laden, belief-molting, theology-shredding places and seasons are worth reaching into. I've navigated enough of them that I am gaining strength in the coming out. Endurance and grace are in rich supply where the vibrant will to move forward fades to grayscale.

If you find yourself in that place or season, don't do it alone. Choose someone who will be in the DEEP with you, unafraid. They will bandage the pricks, bites, and untangle. They will breathe words of warmth in the frosty faded moments, weeks or months. They will be Spirit in flesh cautiously, tenderly, leading you out of the grayscale back to vibrancy.

You can go through the DEEP, find the freshest fruit, and flourish. It IS possible. Don't give up.

Hugs and prayers to you. I'm here if you need me.

Five Minute Friday: VALUE

The Five Minute Friday Prompt today is VALUE. This topic is dear to my heart. I may revisit it on this week's Messy Monday because this key piece of self awareness can change your ability to love the life you live.

People are rose petals in the grass of life.
Your VALUE is vibrant (even if you didn't get out of bed today)!

Do you think your VALUE increases or decreases based on what you do or don't do?

1) Do you wonder if you were only different/better the people around you would be happier?
2) Do you feel lost or anxious when you aren't accomplishing something?

What do you do about it?

1) Make a mantra you can recite every time you feel like you have little to no VALUE.
     For example: "I have great value because I am loved and I love others."
2) Ask yourself if your friend or family member did/didn't do what you you did, would you talk to them the same way you talk to yourself?

Most of us grow up believing our VALUE fluctuates based on what we do or don't do. I'm here to tell you it does not. How do I know? The Creator says so. I don't have time to elaborate since my 5 minutes are up, but this is something I know based on decades of experiences of being loved and loving others.

Messy Monday: Goal Setting, Sharing Burdens, and Looking Ahead

This week's Messy Monday will hopefully encourage you as we come into the holidays and begin a new year. You matter to me. That is why I write. Your heart, mind, body, needs are worth investing in. Other's have done it for me, so I write for you.

Goal Setting: I have experienced goal setting with no goals met, some goals met, and all goals met. I have learned over the years a few handy tips I will share with you:

• The 1-3-5 format has been the single most helpful strategy I have ever used. If you want a copy let me know. I learned to use it from my coach and long time dear friend Terry Gurno. 
• Set FUN goals, things that will stretch you in different ways. For example, my last remaining goal for 2018 is to buy a pair of fantastic red shoes. I am not a shoe-a-holic at all and deliberately choosing to buy shoes because I have always wanted a pair, happens to be a stretch for me. 
• Don't wait until January of the new year to set goals. NOW is the best time to not only set them, but achieve them. 

If you want help, I can help you. Most people I know that achieve their goals work hard to do it, have people alongside them helping them reminding them their uniquely crafted purpose can be accomplished by no one else, and every goal set and met makes this happen. 

Sharing Burdens: The messiness of life can make a person feel overwhelmed and overcome by feelings of inadequacy, failure, and insignificance. This can be remedied by sharing your burdens in these ways: 

• Leaning into your faith. Wherever you are in your faith journey, lean in. If your faith is in God, lean there and pray, if it is in yourself, family or friends, lean there, regardless, you can't do it alone. 
• Trusted friends who can handle you speaking out your struggle without judgement and remind you of your value.
• Collaborate with trusted resources. For us, in this season of life (sons in elementary, middle and high school), we work with school administrations, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, and others who have navigated this season ahead of us. 

Don't hold your burdens close to your chest like a hand in poker. Bluffing your way through life or knowing you hold all the cards everyone else needs is equally unhelpful to you and those around you. 

Looking ahead: The rules of horseback riding - Eyes up, shoulders back, heels down. Where you look is where you'll go. My best friend and I went riding together all the time. She rode her quarter horse and I rode her little black Welsh pony named Licorice. That little thing dumped me more than once. Sometimes it was because I was looking down, hunched over, or had my legs bunched up. Sometimes I ended up looking down as I headed face first into the street/dirt/shrubs. Life feels like that, even if you don't have far to fall. 

One of the most powerful things I learned during my years in the saddle was what happens to my body when I look forward. My core holds me upright and centered, while the rest of me settles, softens, and becomes fluid with the movements of the horse. I haven't been in the saddle in years and I still remember that feeling. I use that awareness when dealing with hard things from being in labor, writing, parenting, doing a triathlon, etc. 

Five Minute Friday: PRAISE God We're Still Married!

Today's Five Minute Friday Prompt is PRAISE.

I've been pondering that word since it posted last night and honestly, all I can think of is:

PRAISE God We're Still Married!

In keeping with my commitment to transparent honesty, I've decided to be real about how freaking hard my hubby and I work to stay married.

We have fought our whole marriage. Like, our WHOLE marriage. We have windows of peace and we make each other laugh usually every day at least once, but we fight:

- How clean is "clean"
- What is important after God, each other, family and friends
- When too much is too much - time or money spent on something/someone
- Who is working the hardest - at our relationship, around the house, with the kids, etc.
- Who is in charge
- What we should spend time or money on
- Who is being too hard on the kids - we trade off, so this is always different

If there is a fight to be had, we've had it.
The main themes are: Vying for Power/Control and being Offended by each others attitudes or responses (real or perceived). This BOOK has been a huge blessing regarding being offended.

I'd love to say we'd matured enough over the years to not fight (some of the above aren't an issue anymore) but we still do. Where the maturity comes in - the recovery time. I go from. "I cannot do this for the rest of my life!" to "Well, I'm not easy to live with either!"

This verse we picked to be our life verse for our marriage has proven to be Truth in ways we never imagined we would need it to be. Guarding our hearts and minds against the pressures, temptations, pain, suffering and challenges is no small feat. When I've felt vulnerable, this verse has tucked me into God. It has saved my life at times.

Happy 27th Anniversary Erik! I'm so glad we fight together FOR our marriage. I PRAISE God for making you exactly the way you are and I am grateful you love me, exactly the way I am. I love you.

HOW Am I Going To Do This?!

Today's Five Minute Free Write prompt is the word HOW. (Honestly, this was pretty hard to admit to, so it took me more like 10-15 minutes to push it out of my brain/heart and into my fingertips. It was easier to post my blog yesterday of me in a sports bra and cycling shorts!

It seemed like an odd prompt to me at first... then I had this thought:

I'm sure I've literally wondered "HOW am I going to do THIS?!" thousands of times.

The first 7 years we had kids, after 12 years without, my Love traveled. Every Sunday night I'd cry as he left. Every Friday when he got home we'd be happy to see each other and by Saturday morning we were fighting (if not Friday evening) - struggling for control of the family, trying to communicate without being offended or defensive and trying to have quality family time. It was so freaking hard! Every facet of our lives stirred up this question.

Make peace with not knowing HOW. Lean in to the One who loves you. 

Every year parenting escalates in challenge and I wonder again, almost daily, HOW am I going to do THIS?! No one can warn you about this part of parenting. It has to be experienced to be understood. It is similar to the intensity of marriage but different.

The answer: I CAN'T. I can't do it. Not in my own power, with my own self to depend on for positive results. Maybe other people can. But, not me.

If I didn't press hard into my relationship with God communicating daily my concerns, fears, crazy random self-condemning thoughts, I would be a total wreck. I'm not even kidding. Clinical depression, hormonal malfunctions, insanely long marathon migraines, a husband that is the complete opposite of me, three sons who have 504 behavior plans or IEPs (Individual Education Plans), and a lifelong battle with obesity, force me to draw near to the only One who knows HOW to help me do Love, Laughter, and Life, every day even if it is hard.

Your STORY Matters

This is the first day of the five minute prompts to encourage writers from all over the world to put fingers to letters and get words on the page. I can write for five minutes. It will take me longer to edit, add links, pictures or music or whatever, but for some reason, the idea of writing for five minutes on any topic doesn't seem as intimidating as it once was.

STORY

Go.

When God created us, the plan was for us to be connected. Our stories intertwine because that's how we were designed. Your story matters to me, and my story matters to you. Why? Because you have great value and so do I.

We don't always honor each other's stories like we should.

How do you value the story of someone you don't know?

If they are rude, be kind. If they are hungry, feed them, If they are broken, bring healing. If they are lost, find them, see them.

Part of becoming a wise and kind world citizen is living as if the people you know AND the people you don't know, both have an impact on your life. We are closer than we think and when we encounter other people created in the image of the God we proclaim as ours, make space for their story. You never know the impact you may have on them, or they may have on you.

Stop.

COMPLETE yet?

I love Fridays. It's actually my favorite day of the week. It's always been like this. It didn't matter if I worked, went to school, stayed home, Friday is my favorite!

Here is my Five Minute Friday writing for this week.

The word this week is COMPLETE.

START:

This made me laugh. Talk about COMPLETE instructions.

What instructions are you following? I want to be me. COMPLETEly me. A natural born people pleaser, I have discovered more this year, when my ability to perform to any kind of "standard" I might set for myself or anyone else might try to set for me, I fail. COMPLETEly.

I'm not the me I used to recognize easily in the mirror. A couple of years ago I saw this in a store window and I bought it. It's a recycled bag. It still speaks to me. There is nothing wrong with being regular. I like regular, but for me to be COMPLETE it's gotta be like this:

I'm embracing the messy (see Messy Monday posts) of life with both arms wide open. Finding balance pressing in to the challenges of life then giving myself space to rest then getting back "out there" finally makes me feel COMPLETE.

"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and COMPLETE, not lacking anything." (James 1:4)

No further instructions needed.

If you haven't found your COMPLETE yet. Not to worry. You will.

If you need help. Let me know.

STOP.

Messy Monday! Nose Prints, Headlocks, Yacht Rock and Housework

Life is MESSY! I decided I should find a way to savor and celebrate this messy life instead of being disgusted or at a minimum, annoyed by it.

Years ago I wrote with a fellow blogger a regular Friday blog called "Fess Up Friday". I loved it because it kept me focused on the funny, goofy, ridiculousness of life instead of taking myself or anyone else inside or outside of my home to seriously.

Now a solid MANY years later, I am doing Messy Monday! Once I get the link up thing and a cool graphic created I'll share them with you. But for today, here's what's been messy...

I tried several angles on this. If you look closely you can see all of my ONE doggie's nose prints on the front window. Some people look at this and think, "Gross! Don't you ever clean your windows?!" to which I'd respond, "Nope. I find it amusing and cute that she smooshes her nose on the window just to see outside barking at passing dogs, people and especially squirrels. Also, I have two members of my household who get sick of looking through the dog snot and drool and clean them for me." 

Her "marks of enthusiasm" remind me I could be more passionate about seeing beyond my comfort zone, looking for people who are hanging on for dear life hoping someone will reach out instead of just bark at them from their comfy "zone". 

My Love and I have three sons. Each crazy awesome in their own way. Often, if they are together, it isn't long before one or two or even all three end up in a headlock. Here I am, trying to snap an actual ON. THE. DAY. first day of school picture and this, among others is what I get. 

Being in relationship with our sons is messy. As the lone girl in the bunch, other than the dog, I find myself having a harder and harder time relating to how they communicate, get mad, fight, let go, best buddies to mortal enemies and back again. I often feel literally, not equipped, to navigate this season of their lives. I am trying to take a step (or 12) back and let their Dad run the show, but even that makes me squeamish quite often. I have discovered that going all Mama Bear on Papa Bear is a very messy and unhelpful business, not to mention confusing for the Man-Cubs. I'm trying to back away slowly and find my coloring book or something...

Speaking of Papa Bear, my Love and I have always found common ground in music. Our Cassette and CD collections practically matched (except for my extensive collection of '80s Christian Rock) when we met. Until this summer. When Sirius radio started up with their Yacht Rock station. Oh my GAG. This is probably the ONLY time they played a cool song -- the rest of the time it was Paul Anka, Barry Manilow, Paul Simon, Air Supply, and every other 70s style smooth and groovy music that makes you nod off in a nostalgia coma. I have no issue with any of these artists individually, but when you put them on a looooooong list all together..eesh! My Love found it amusing to regularly (as in AT LEAST once a day) turn my radio to Yacht Rock so when I got in and turned the key some mellow, soul melting, song bird was trying to soothe me into unconsciousness. I snapped this picture with the comment, "When Yacht Rock backfires and it's a good song!" This is messy, because several times, I almost peed myself laughing at whatever song came on and the fact that he programmed several pre-sets so I couldn't change the song!

Finally, housework. My child who was my kitchen attendant went back to school. I scrubbed and scoured and cleaned almost the whole thing (because behind the toaster oven isn't really necessary if you clean the toaster oven, right? And forgetting to wipe down the window sill but watering the plants is almost thorough). After school started I thought it would be easier to keep up on it, without them feasting at the all day cafe'. However, I've forgotten to purchase more paper plates (our regular dishes, I hate to admit) and this summer I bought another set of actual dishes so we would have enough for more than just our family of 5 to eat on. This creates the need for more doing of dishes. I blame my mother for this loathing of dish doing I have. She rolls her eyes now and says I'm responsible for my own malfunctions now that I have my own dirty dish makers. Note the bizarre butter configuration on the slimy butter dish. I am not responsible for that either! 

Pets, relationships, marriage, and homemaking are only a few of the many things that make life feel messy, unbalanced and like you can't possibly ever keep up or catch up. But I propose this:

Perspective is everything! When I see the "MESSY" as a welcome sign of life and memories in progress instead of something to be scrubbed away, eradicated or at the very least shoved under a rug, I can receive life as a gift instead of focusing on how I'm failing at it because I can't contain the mess.

Living Courageous is to embrace the Messy life and tell about it on Mondays!

Let it RAIN

Five Minute Friday prompt this week is RAIN. I had to ponder it all day and here it is the VERY end of the day and I'm finally typing out my musings.

The song, Let It Rain, by Michael W Smith, came out in a traumatic season in my life. It's super repetitive and one my now Heaven residing Grandfather would call a 24/7 song. You sing the same song with seven lines twenty four times. He was funny that way. He preferred the hymns with the sacred words that matched his journey.

RAIN is refreshing to me. I don't find it gloomy, I find it washes away the yuck. That's why the song resonated with me so much. I needed a downpour of RAIN to was away my pain.

I've also prayed the same kind of prayer over my kids their whole lives:

God, please wash away the residue of the day. Refresh, restore and renew them, body, mind and spirit, in Jesus name amen.

I know we all get the residue of the day stuck to us. I know the True RAIN washes it away. The pain, the challenge, the struggle remains, but that soap scum-life residue that threatens to cling to the shower walls of our lives, that can be washed away.

Praying for you to experience True RAIN in your heart tonight.

Pain Sucks!

Pain sucks.

I could just leave that there and call it done. Migraine day 130.

Pain is like bad gas. One nasty fart, maybe two is forgivable, but if you sit in a room full of people and keep releasing toxic stench, they get sick of it and walk away. They may stay friends – from a distance - and try not to judge you or wish you’d just be done already, but they are uncomfortable with your pain, so they keep their distance.

You, on the other hand, are living with the stench. Like Pigpen from Peanuts, your cloud of pain is present, everywhere. Some people notice, can see the pain, but others don’t, for a million different reasons.

The pain of life is real. 

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT?

Here is where I give you the answer to that question… 

NOPE.

I don’t have it. All I have is my experience, my choices, and what those people around me have chosen.

How to deal with PAIN:

Ignore it.
Run from it.
Bury it.
Face it.
Lean in to it.
Push through it.
Make peace with it.

I honestly believe all these answers are right depending on the type of pain. However, each one of these are the wrong answer too.

For example:

       If you are in an abusive relationship – you need to run from it, not make peace with it.

·        If you are in physical pain (discomfort) you can ignore it or push through it, but if you are in physical pain (agony) you need to face it and get help.

·        If you are in emotional pain, leaning into it can be very helpful if you have support systems/resources around you. Emotional pain buried, eventually comes up and out like a zombie ready to destroy your life as you know it.

In this very long season of being in pain with this migraine, I have chosen to make peace with it. I have sought spiritual, medical, physical, and emotional help for it. Despite major efforts in every area – the pain remains. So, on many days, I decide to just be. In pain. The answers in the list above are the right answer for me, and some days, none of them are wrong.

A few things I KNOW for sure – Healing from pain requires community. Pain in isolation is dangerous. When we are brave and face our pain, we inspire others to do the same.

I’m praying for you. Pain Sucks.

Five Minute Friday - Pause

Writing again today with the Five Minute Friday gang. It seems to be the best easiest thing to semi-commit to for me these days.

Today's Prompt - Pause

I'm in the second longest Pause of my life. The first was our 9+ years of infertility before we had our first son. 125 days into this migraine is definitely a LONG PAUSE for a headache. Except unlike the Blu-Ray player, "PAUSE" means everything stops. Life doesn't work like that. Not during infertility and not during a migraine.

I've had bright moments - moments of fun or joy in the midst of this. I've had reminders that God is with me and this is not a reflection of His love (or lack of it) for me. This is just life. Being life. In life and living life.

I've had moments to PAUSE and remember that this pain is not the worst thing. I have friends with husbands to died, kids that died, car wrecks that destroyed careers, addictions that have broken relationships and so many more tragedies that could be listed.

This is NOT one of those.

PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.

When the flood of the pain and disruption of the life I want to live pours through, I have to PAUSE and remember to keep perspective. Find the joy (even if it means goofy unicorn balloons and party supplies for turning 47 today!). Pray for the ones doing even greater battle and press on.

STOP.

EMBRACE - Five Minute Friday

Driving west on I-90 for a joyful reunion of aunts and uncles, cousins, parents, grandparents to celebrate the life well lived of our 97-year-old Papa Ernie 

who moved to Heaven on February 22.

We will EMBRACE – hugs, memories, challenges of coordinating a zillion family members into multiple group events – Lots of opportunities to EMBRACE.

But, hopefully we will EMBRACE fully the memories and the joy of the legacy Grandpa left us with – find the fun, ponder the deep things, love God, love each other, the Gaither’s songs are still relevant, Jokes are Funny no matter how many times you tell them, know who you are, who you aren’t and most important to him: know you’re loved. Every day, all the time. Even when you do dumb stuff.

He held Grandma's hand all the time. This is the most recent picture I have from October 2016. They embraced life together. Every day they had. Together. 

My part in carrying on his legacy - EMBRACE life and EMBRACE each other.

Live Courageous! means MOVE FORWARD

Over my head in migraine pain, longing, begging for answers, craving some sort of “normalcy” to return. What does courage look like in moments like these? I’m not exactly sure for every day, but for today I think it looks like:

Sticking with my super clean protein shake, coffee, water, chamomile tea, listening to a sermon preached by a friend, worship sent by another, advice from another, praying for others in deeper challenges than I am, and writing.

I am supposed to be training for the Half Ironman just a little over four months away and I still have yet to get a solid week of training in. Sick kids, sinus and ear infections, migraines, travel, you name it, it’s encroached upon my plans to meet this goal I’ve had for four years. Many don’t believe I can do it. Several want me to but aren't sure I can finish. Some are convinced I can do it, even this late in the training season. Others don’t want me to try. 

I choose to MOVE FORWARD. Because that is what I firmly believe changes things.
MOVE FORWARD.

I share all this with you, so you know, that when I choose to LIVE COURAGEOUS! it’s not because it’s easy for me either.

Find one way you can MOVE FORWARD today and list it in the comments below. I will cheer you on!

Blessings and love!
Jenn

WHEN Do We Live Courageous?

This will be a multi-part blog --- There are so many WHENs to live courageous.


As I battle the clinical depression tempting me to circle the drain in my thoughts, I post this for anyone who even has the slightest desire to Live Courageous! or knows they need to, somehow, some way.

I have been on the hunt for a bathing suit. It is a challenge. My body has morphed so much in the last year and a half since I had gastric sleeve surgery many things just fit weird, or in my opinion look weird.

Finding one in January, another challenge. I found 3, full price, no coupon, no sale in sight… and two sizes smaller than I’ve worn in 20 years.

Sigh… I decided to try them on anyway. I wasn’t looking for a self-esteem boost anyway, right?

The first one I tried on fit. Everywhere. Huh? Cool.

The second one - not awesome but functional.

The third one – liked the style but no.stinkin.way.


I sat in the dressing room, tears rolling down my face. My body fits in a smaller size suit than I have worn for over 20 years but my focus was on how far I still have to go.

Do you ever rob yourself of the current blessing to look at the seemingly endless distance ahead?

That is WHEN to LIVE COURAGEOUS!

SEE the blessing. Hold it. Celebrate it. Rest in it. Even for a moment. Then…

Keep moving forward. Every.single.day.

Yes, I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, don't judge, it's been a rough year.

 

Today I swam, in that suit, roughly 40 minutes and approximately 1300 meters. I am training for a Half-Ironman in June of this year. This suit is going to help me meet the goal of crossing the finish line!

  

Live Courageous! It's worth it.

 

 

Why Live Courageous?

I Live Courageous! because

Two years ago, December 2013 I wrote THIS.

And to break out from that horrible place, one of the things I did was THIS.

Then I decided to learn to ski. 

COURAGE.

My first ski instructor had one leg. "Lefty". 

But then:
December 26, 2014 I wrecked my knee. I was practicing before my second ski lesson with my Love on the beginner hill. I fell and heard a pop. I assumed since I was over 40 my body would make noises when I was learning a new skill. I got up, fell, got up, crashed, got up, slid down the hill and decided to take the lift to the top and try some more. I fell down again. And again. This time he said it didn't even look like I was trying to stay upright. Turns out, I didn't have a ligament to stand on (I didn't know that yet). I kept at it until I hurt too bad to clip into my skis anymore.

Several weeks of crutches (while my Love had to travel for work), tests, evaluations, and an MRI, I had someone else's Achilles tendon (I am grateful for those who donate their parts when they don't need them anymore.) installed as my new anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). It was a major endeavor and required many hours, weeks, months of pain, stretching, physical therapy, etc. It essentially took over my entire life and I already had a busy one!

EVERY YEAR is going to require some amount of COURAGE. 

A few big things required me to Live Courageous! in 2015:


I worked hard to rehab my knee, including admitting I needed to do something to control my downward spiral into another bout of depression due to spending the winter on my butt and on crutches. Once you go into remission in clinical depression, it is extremely hard to admit you are sliding back into the hole. 

COURAGE.

I walked with my best friend through a breast cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, a new relationship, proposal and marriage. Keeping my head (and encouraging them even when I was afraid she would lose her life) focused on God and His provision for that season. 

COURAGE.

I did my fifth sprint triathlon - these pictures - posting them.

COURAGE. 

Best swim time ever.

Headed out on the bike ride.

About to cross the finish line!

And finally, I quit my job at a place I love with people I love to start a career doing what I love - COACH! 

COURAGE.


In 2016 I know COURAGE will be required of me to do these things: 

• Building a business actively cheering you to Live Courageous!
• Remaining transparent and professional - a delicate balance for me
• Training and Finishing the Half Ironman Coeur d'Alene June 26, 2016
• And... only God knows what else... 

I Live Courageous! because I want to squeeze every drop out of life. I've survived feeling stuck and I never want to feel that way again. 

Now it's your turn. 

Do you want to Live Courageous! ? 

What Courageous plans do you have for 2016?

Please answer one or more of these questions in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

Can I help you Live Courageous! ? Don't hesitate to email me  if you would like a free 30 minute consultation. My introduction rates will expire at midnight (PST) on January 1, 2016. I can Skype anywhere in the world, so don't let location put you off of moving forward. 

DWELL - Where Do You Long To Be?

I'm joining the Five Minute Friday writers this week. Our prompt: DWELL

The first thing that popped into my mind when I thought of this word was this verse:

"Forget the former things; do not DWELL on the past." Isaiah 43:18  

The former Me - in 2013:  

Since I started my business Live Courageous Coaching on the first of October this year, I have been challenged to walk the new path set before me. Self-employed life gives me regular opportunities to doubt my calling and retreat in my mind back to past misfires in my past. Then He beckons me to come into His presence and trust Him to give me the courage to stand in all He has provided in and through me for this new adventure. 

For the first time in my life I am living fully in my original design, conquering my long time battle with clinical depression, and meeting the temptation to DWELL on the past with fresh vision for the future not only for myself but for those I am coaching. 

The next verse says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Many of my past experiences have left me feeling stuck in the wilderness or thirsty in the wasteland. 

Now, I am able to live the NEW thing where He is making a way. 

The new me - DWELLing in 2015:

Three Steps To Have A Superhero Day

More often than not:

I'm sure I can rock the day, the tasks, the relationships and the surprises arriving on my path. YOU can have days like that. Lots of them! 

Some days:

This funky specimen had the good fortune to be discovered on our way out the door to school. It was safe to slime it's way out of harm before my salt sprinkling experimenters caused it's untimely demise. 

Slug days, I slog along wondering what might squish, sprinkle or scorch my plans. Battling clinical depression most of my life, I know slug days well. A real slug is not brilliant enough to anticipate the pending disastrous possibilities, but since I feel comfortable admitting I am smarter than the average slug, I tend to go into the day focused on myself. How tired I am, how much I have to do, how naughty my kids are, how will I ever make a difference in the world... can you see the slime trail yet?

One might suggest these are two extremes and one should find a middle ground. Possibly. NOT!

Living a superhero day is easier than you think. 

Before feet hit floor we can choose! I have walked through some pretty nasty stuff and been able to find my superhero self by doing these three things:

1) Grab a hold of your thoughts. Our thinkers can squish us or spring us into the next minute, hour, or even the whole day. 

Andy Stanley says this and I have to remember to do it:

A friend gave me a mug I keep close by. This is how I remember I can be a superhero.

2) Shower. Yes, I said the obvious. And as you scrub up, imagine all the yucky, sad, disappointing, funky gunk sliding off of you with the warm water and going down the drain. You don't need a picture of that. 

3) Focus on what you CAN do. So many times we end up circling the drain of our brains with the sludgy water of what we can't control. Take a deep breath. Now exhale... blow out all the tension of the uncontrollables into the air. Bite off what you CAN chew for the day, encourage someone, SMILE. 

YOU are capable of being a superhero. Every.single.day. 

If you have any doubt left. Buy superhero socks. I did. Trust me. It helps! 

If you are stuck in slug mode, I am happy to help. Not every day will be a superhero day, but most days can be. You can reach me at the email address below or on my website where we can set up time to talk about how to Live Courageous!