START Letting Go

I wanted to be a Mom my whole life. Got married at 20 so for sure I thought I'd be done having babies by the time I was 30, right? Nope. I was 32 when I found out, on this day, 15 years ago that I finally had joined the "Mommy" club. 

I had no idea at the time the pain I was longing for. I found out I was pregnant and it was an epic celebration. I was super thrilled, as were all of our friends who had watched us struggle for over 9 years with infertility. 

I knew, in advance, from the time the umbilical cord was cut, I was going to have to START letting go. Here I am, 15 years later, learning about yet another layer of letting go. Giving our oldest more freedom, more space, more opportunities to succeed or fail is crazy hard. I am sure keeping him locked in the house for the next 5-10 years would also be challenging, but I am not sure it's a bad idea some days.

We enjoy who he's becoming. We are glad he's ours. 15 years we discovered he was on his way, and as of his actual birth day - we've had to START letting go. 

WHEN Do You Live Your Dreams?

Today's prompt has so many possibilities on where to take it.

One of the things I've been asked the most often since my Love has been a hot air balloon pilot is WHEN do you get to live your dreams?

Here's the thing:

I am.

I have dreamed of having a husband, a family, a family sport/focus my whole life. I love horses and I have always wanted to get back into that, but I am not missing anything - or any part of me. WHEN I'm driving the chase truck, predicting where he's headed next, getting the truck and trailer into and out of crazy places, figuring out how to pack out the balloon from a barbed wire fenced field without damaging it or us, and backing up the trailer like a bad ass I am living my dreams.

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WHEN I wept over infertility, lost our baby, decided to do a triathlon or five, my friends were there. One in particular is on my mind today. It's her birthday and I can't stop thinking about her impact on my life. She's always supported, encouraged and told me the truth. She has taught me it's not about how you feel about something, its about what you are committed to. She inspires me to be better. I dreamed of that. Having people in my life to push me to be the best me WHEN I want to quit on what's important to me.

WHEN you surround yourself with people who love you, encourage you, and inspire you, you ARE living your dreams. Every.day.

Five Minute Friday - Pause

Writing again today with the Five Minute Friday gang. It seems to be the best easiest thing to semi-commit to for me these days.

Today's Prompt - Pause

I'm in the second longest Pause of my life. The first was our 9+ years of infertility before we had our first son. 125 days into this migraine is definitely a LONG PAUSE for a headache. Except unlike the Blu-Ray player, "PAUSE" means everything stops. Life doesn't work like that. Not during infertility and not during a migraine.

I've had bright moments - moments of fun or joy in the midst of this. I've had reminders that God is with me and this is not a reflection of His love (or lack of it) for me. This is just life. Being life. In life and living life.

I've had moments to PAUSE and remember that this pain is not the worst thing. I have friends with husbands to died, kids that died, car wrecks that destroyed careers, addictions that have broken relationships and so many more tragedies that could be listed.

This is NOT one of those.

PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.

When the flood of the pain and disruption of the life I want to live pours through, I have to PAUSE and remember to keep perspective. Find the joy (even if it means goofy unicorn balloons and party supplies for turning 47 today!). Pray for the ones doing even greater battle and press on.

STOP.