Messy Monday: Messy Month

What Do You Do with an Idea?

This was one of my most very favorite of all time Christmas gifts this year! I have always been fully loaded with ideas, and this story made me smile so deeply I think my toes sparkled! I will be spending this year using the really great insights in this book.

January is always my messiest month. It is the time of memories, melancholy, and missing motivation.

This year (so far) has been my least messy January. I know it's not quite over yet but its already light years from this time last year.

January comes fully loaded with melancholy memories:

• I had to give baby Joy back to Heaven.
• My Uncle (who I was super close to) went missing, later to be found in the bottom of a ravine.
• Our marriage hit an epic level speed bump.
• My best friend's Dad (from my childhood), who was like a second Dad to me passed away suddenly.
• I was betrayed by a trusted friend.
• My faith took a spectacular hit and started an entire year of suicidal thoughts and traumatizing fear.
• I began a migraine that would last for six miserable months. 

Depressed yet?! Right?!

Here is what's different THIS year:

• I miss my baby Joy, but it's finally like she's just tucked in my heart, the agony of losing her is a memory but not a crushing loss.
• My Uncle, I miss him. Often. But the relationship I have with his sons blesses me like crazy and I can hear and see so much of him in them, it's almost like he's still here.
• Our marriage is stronger, better for the painful struggle to recover and makes me smile when I think of it. 
• My best friend's Dad. I still miss him, but if, I stop, in the quiet moments, I can still hear his voice calling me Jenn-aaa-fur (emphasis on the aaa).
• My friend and I, we've worked it out. We're going to be okay.
• My faith is tougher, pretty close to unshakable (seriously knocking on my wooden head!). It's power is limitless and my passion for loving "Everybody Always" is freaking awesome!
• The migraine is over. Extracted with all my girl parts this past summer. No sign of anything like it happening again! Correctly monitored hormones being replaced as needed and watched over carefully. 

How did this transition happen? 

I took this advice VERY seriously. 

AND

I have a few big goals, a great job, and an opportunity to finish my education. These things are keeping me busy, challenged and happy. Our sons are changing in really cool ways, growing taller than me (2 of 3), making voice crack jokes and we're finally starting to pay them for grades.

If you have reached this point in January, still feeling discouraged or beginning to feel that way, reach out. To me. To someone. You don't have to do it alone. 

Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value? Part 1

I talked about VALUE in my Five Minute Friday post last week and said I might bring it up again today because it is a HUGE part of what I believe changes and challenges to become the best people we can be. In becoming the best people we can be we need to keep in mind when and where we began to understand our value.

Who Determines Your Value?

Is it someone in your family? A parent? A child? A spouse? A friend? A lover? An ex __ ? God?

If you were raised in a Christian home like I was, where having a relationship with God was  discussed on a regular basis, your automatic response might be: "God is the one who determines my value." That's what I would have said.

Before.

Before my automatic response was assaulted by heartbreak, pain, lies, and exposure of things covered I didn't even think to look for.

The real answer comes in a long process; of discovering the things (and people) I'd given so much power to, so much of my value to, exposing the lies I believed about myself, and chronic pain in one form or another took a toll on my belief systems, and left me with a limp in my core. And I'm okay with that.

This limp I have, this is how I see you. How I hear you. How I come to know you.

I could start at the first place I knew my value was determined - My parents. But that would make for a long story. My parents weren't perfect, but they loved me, loved my sister and loved each other, even when it was ridiculously painful and hard to do so.

I had one constant friend who was strong, opinionated, cared about me, had parents that cared about me, and I let her take the lead in my value determination for a season (it was never her intent, I didn't know it either, at the time). This relationship stands out from the others because it was consistent.



Our almost 40 years of friendship remains intact and I treasure it now more than ever before. We had the backdrop of horses and horse shows, The Police (the band) obsessing, stirrup pants wearing, spiked hair styling, and parents who passionately loved us both. We grew together, we grew apart, we grew up and we talked then and now about the REAL life challenges we face along the way.

Here is what I learned from her: Don't quit. Don't be afraid. Details matter. No one but me should determine my value. 

Another key person to shape my value was a boy friend who became a boyfriend. Hanging out, talking late and cracking each other up, we were buddies. It seemed like we both knew the "right people" at school but didn't quite fit in, but we always fit together. I loved his family. He loved mine.

Once in college, a horseback riding accident of mine alerted him to deeper feelings and we became a couple. He was the first guy, besides my Daddy, to make me feel like I was a treasure to be protected and loved. We were a great team, friends forever for sure, but I didn't believe I would be good enough for him. It was sad. We were used to leaning on our friendship, and while we still cared deeply for each other we knew moving on was important.

Now, we're friends, from a distance. The kind of distance that is proper for both of us who have been married over twenty years to other people. I have tremendous peace the right choice was made, but sometimes, when the right song comes on, I can flash back to he and I in the "banana-mobile" rocking out over the healthy loud rumble of its motor.

What I learned from him: You can be a badass and be kind (he was an athlete AND a nice guy). I deserve to be respected. Relationships are better when they start as friends. Don't give up.

I had several other wonderful friendships during these seasons of life, but when I looked back on WHO shaped my understanding of my value, these two were key. I challenge you to write down what you learned from at least two of the people who were powerful influences in your life before you turned 21.

Are you wondering how I ended up with a limp in my soul? Tune in next week for Messy Monday: Who Determines Your Value Part 2.

Extremely CLOSE

Today I finish the Five Minute Free Write challenge on this last day of October.

When fall comes to a CLOSE here in North Idaho, many of us retreat to our separate nests to tuck in for the winter. Other than school, sports and necessary errands, I tend to hibernate, enjoying the cozy fireplace and the other comforts of my home. 

This year I have employment that will put me on the road in the icy weather, communicating with strangers and interacting with coworkers pushing me beyond my hibernation comfort zone. The other thing that will be different this coming year is no migraine. 

I look forward to being CLOSE to my fellas up on the ski hill because I couldn't be there last year.

I will be CLOSE to my friends and my family as we celebrate birthdays and holidays since I missed most of them in 2018. 

Finally, I want to be extremely CLOSE to my God, to my beloved ones, and to the ones God has put in my path to treasure, encourage, and support through the cold gray months ahead. This will draw me into relationships this winter instead of into hibernation. 

Thank you for joining me these past 31 days as I have met this challenge head on. I know every blog hasn't been brilliant, but it is the first time in my adult life I have written every day for 31 full days. 

Blessings to you and I will be writing again for Five Minute Friday on November 2. 

WHEN Do You Live Your Dreams?

Today's prompt has so many possibilities on where to take it.

One of the things I've been asked the most often since my Love has been a hot air balloon pilot is WHEN do you get to live your dreams?

Here's the thing:

I am.

I have dreamed of having a husband, a family, a family sport/focus my whole life. I love horses and I have always wanted to get back into that, but I am not missing anything - or any part of me. WHEN I'm driving the chase truck, predicting where he's headed next, getting the truck and trailer into and out of crazy places, figuring out how to pack out the balloon from a barbed wire fenced field without damaging it or us, and backing up the trailer like a bad ass I am living my dreams.

***********

WHEN I wept over infertility, lost our baby, decided to do a triathlon or five, my friends were there. One in particular is on my mind today. It's her birthday and I can't stop thinking about her impact on my life. She's always supported, encouraged and told me the truth. She has taught me it's not about how you feel about something, its about what you are committed to. She inspires me to be better. I dreamed of that. Having people in my life to push me to be the best me WHEN I want to quit on what's important to me.

WHEN you surround yourself with people who love you, encourage you, and inspire you, you ARE living your dreams. Every.day.

Do You INSPIRE Anyone?

Five Minute Free Write: INSPIRE

Do you INSPIRE others? I've been told I do. The things I did that most people said inspired them was doing triathlons. These pictures make me smile. So much of this day was an enormous blessing. I've done 5 and this one was the most recent in July 2015.

Swim Finished

Bike Start 

Finishing the Run

The people that INSPIRE me are in my mixed bag of friends.

One friend has weathered so many storms and stayed steadfast regardless of my sanity levels.

One friend who prays for me more than talking with me. We are there for each other.

One friend works harder than I've ever seen to bring order to the world and love intentionally

One friend who kisses. We love each other fiercely. Siblings of the heart.

One friend who breathes life into me with words, prayers and consistency.

One friend who is super different from me but connects with my heart in unusual ways.

One friend who says ridiculous things some might call cringe-worthy, but when I'm with this person I can be all of myself , no holding back. What a gift!

 The people who INSPIRE me are: Steadfast. Unshakable. Tenacious. Committed.

Messy Monday; Candy Corn, Making A Difference, and Being Mean

I am eating slowly but I didn't count our a serving size.

Today's Messy Monday is brought to you by a slightly over-wound middle aged woman huffing the lavender mist being released by her diffuser, intentionally nibbling candy corn instead of gorging on it like feed corn in a trough (I LOVE candy corn), while sitting criss-cross-applesauce next to the dog on the bed.

Thinking about this past week I am more than a little disturbed. There is a lot of messy happening in our world, country, states and cities.

The world messiness I pray for often but don't feel there is a lot of impact I can make, Nationally, I am heartbroken by what's happening in our conversations concerning predators, offenders, and victims. While I can pray for an appropriate outcome for those in the public eye, I choose to dial in to the difference I can make here, in my home, community, and sphere of influence.

We need to SEE each other and HEAR each other. When you see someone in trouble, do you get involved or stay out of it? Do you ask questions or back away slowly? Do you respond with compassion?

Sometimes I feel this surge of confidence as I walk right into an obviously tense situation and say, "May I help you?", other times, I step aside, pray, watch and wait for the nudge to move forward into the area of concern or the peace to step away. I have never been particularly compassionate. I care about people and I prefer to shoot straight instead of politely, gently, cautiously, causing you to consider you might want to think about a different course of action.

Before I started my business (I'll add the link when my new website goes live, but message me in the meantime if you want to know more), I was teased by my co-workers about naming it "Kick Ass Coaching", We regularly laughed about it because, even though I may not always be warm and fuzzy about telling you the truth or asking hard questions, you always know I care too much about you to feed you any flavor of nonsense whipped like cotton candy and served on a stick.

I have no idea where this came from but I LOVE it!
I'd love to know where it originated because it's awesome!

A pastor I once served with talked about how important it was to have mean friends. That's me. I'm the mean friend. The one that sticks to your face, looks you in the eye and regularly reminds you of how amazing you are and how much possibility and hope remains to be experienced

What if the women (and men) who experienced these crazy awful situations had a friend who would not only be safe enough to hear their story, but strong enough to hold them tight and remind them they can speak up, speak out, and they would walk beside them through the whole process? Could you be that kind of friend? What if we did that for each other?


 I am also a mean mom. So mean, I make my kids hang up uniform shirts, give them grief about socks with their sandals and I don't run out an buy them a tie when they've decided to do a "dress up competition" several days in a row with another kid in their grade, no matter how bad they want to win.


And finally, this. Yes, take pills if you need them. Some of us would be a WHOLE LOT MESSIER if we didn't take the vitamins, hormones, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-seizure, high blood pressure, or happy pills available to care for bodies and minds.

To get spiritual about this meme:We don't struggle against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness (Eph 6:12) so the world I'm flipping off is the darkness that would try to suck me in to its vortex of discouragement, hopelessness, and a complete bag of candy corn.

Being NEAR

This is a portion of a longer blog I will post later today. The Five Minute Friday prompt was so relevant to my world, I pulled a chunk for posting here. 

Parenting sons with ADHD, Chronic Pain, and Tourette's Syndrome is a high intensity and often thankless endurance level race with no finish line. My heart hurts (with their struggles). My head hurts (from the mental endurance and research required to navigate all of this). My spirit is in fervent and constant contact with the only Resource I know has their best interests in mind. I cling to the verse, “The Lord is NEAR to the heartbroken…” (Ps 34:18 AMP). The joy, peace, and hope are tangible too, a lovely part of being NEAR to the One who holds us all in capable hands with limitless options and provision.

Our circles of friends have shrunken like grapes into raisins due to lack of mental, emotional, physical time and opportunity. Our agreement is that there is no one and nothing more important than being present and parenting these amazing people we've been entrusted with. 

We prayed and waited for over nine years to get pregnant and live this life. We are here. Now is the time. Everything else, for the most part, is on hold or in the background. The friends that support and encourage us are kept very NEAR and the ones who we love but don't do frequent life with, we miss. 

We give each other breaks, tag team during intense moments, and check in with each other often to know when the other needs extra support. It isn't the seamless teamwork it sounds like. It is messy. Painful. It takes long talks, sometimes tempers flare and then more talking to process our next steps. Together. Staying NEAR to God and to each other. 

If you want to read the full length version of this blog, join me here or my website www.livecourageouscoaching.com It will be posted by 5pm today Dec 1, 2017.