the joy
the peace
the hope
the energy
the vision
the purpose
the focus
out of life.
I woke up with what felt very much like a nightmare this morning. I've studied dream interpretation for years so I am still sorting out the message in it. I know there is one, but for now, I'm using it to get back to my Messy Monday blogging.
Things are going pretty great right now.
And I am scared!
I have become so used to navigating shocking, painful, and challenging life, that I am struggling deeply with the reprieve.
I don't trust the rest.
Living with clinical depression with a side order of obnoxious levels of anxiety forces a hyper-vigilance that when there is a reprieve, I'm left floundering for something to freak out about.
Ridiculous waste of rest.
Experience tells me things will be hard again, in one way or another, because the normal ebb and flow of life happens that way. The irony is, just a few weeks ago I was talking with a friend who struggles with similar things and I was encouraging her to just rest and be.
I can look at this season as a temporary stay of execution fretting over impending doom yet unknown, or I can look at it like recess, an opportunity to take a break from the growing, learning, and stretching, to play hard, laugh more, and make space for resting and being present in this moment.
I pick recess!
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| I took my big guys on an overnight getaway during their spring break. The sun shined so we put the top down on the convertible and soaked up the rays, even though it was a bit chilly. |
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