Free Writing Prompt Day 4 - Write for 5 minutes on this word: WHY?
We had something traumatic happen in our family recently. My heart and mind soaked it up and hit repeat, It was visceral. On an automatic loop in my head, but also all the sweat soaking anxiety, punched in the gut, smashed in the face blasting, over and over again. After about four days of this non-stop earth shaking craziness happening in me, I finally asked God:
WHY?
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| Looking close at anything alters your perspective. |
Why am I reliving this trauma on a loop like a song I hate on shuffle in my head?
Why can't I shake the internal quaking loose and let it go?
Why does it feel like its embedded in my spirit?
The answer came in the still small voice, I've heard all my life, "This isn't about you. It's about Me, the bigger picture, the scope reaches far beyond what you will ever see. I am sorry it hurts with such intensity. Please trust Me on this."
Then I felt the release. My heart still ached from the events that could never be undone, but, the realization that something bigger was going on brought enough peace to not obsess. The panic attacks slowly subsided and the hyper-vigilance I was living in, washed away eventually.
Since then, I try to keep in mind that the question WHY really can't be answered most of the time. Not from an earthly perspective, anyway.
STOP.
I'm sorry for the trauma you and your family have experienced. Our family suffered a seemingly inexplicable loss a few years ago and I don't think any of us really understand the why this side of heaven. I'm thankful for my faith in a God who knows the end from the beginning and who brings peace in times of tremendous heartache. I am so glad your panic is subsiding. Take care.
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