Five Minute Friday Free Write: SHARE

Writing and posting every day this month is quite a challenge for me. I seldom give myself permission to write consistently. I love it. But, I am always able to find something I "need" or my family "needs" me to do instead. Making time to write, every single day, starting a new job, juggling kids with sports, homework and the usual day to day life stuff is tricky, but it feels really good. Mostly.

Until this prompt: SHARE
What I wanted to do was write about my dog Sophie and how fun it is to share my life with her and her impact on my life. Isn't she adorable? I think so.

But no. In the shower this morning God and I had a meeting. It seems I am to truly SHARE stuff. Real stuff. So. Here. I ...

GO.

I sang my son Jesus Loves Me after he told me he didn't know any worship songs in his head to think about. I was crushed. The other two boys have an entire gigantic catalog of worship songs floating through their heads. All. The. Time. I hear their cracking puberty stricken voices singing them throughout the day. I love it. But, my youngest doesn't live with that in his head and heart. Unfortunately that begins a ridiculous bit of self crushing momologue (monologue saturated with mom-guilt) about how I've failed him as a parent. Seriously. 

And there's this. 

I am STILL trying to get validation on random things. I feel compelled to inform my Love whenever I clean out a drawer (or 3), cook a bunch of meals (or 1), play with the kids, clean up after myself and wash the sheets. Like I should get a prize for that?! Maybe I should. What do you think? 

Do I need validation from anyone for doing life? I have a good life. Some days I work harder than others physically. Other days I work harder mentally. Some days I just barely show up and get my bra on the right way. 

STOP. 

I am learning how to BE. BE okay with imperfection, singing Jesus Loves Me instead of him telling me what songs he knows, BE satisfied with a good day's work because I am, not because anyone might tell me I'm amazing. God says I am. I want that to be enough. 

And, because I can't help myself...

I must CHER once more ...

Hee Hee... SHARE/CHER...