31 Days of 5 Minute Free Write: Afraid

31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes

It's the wee hours. I hear him banging around downstairs. I'm too tired to move. I fall back to sleep. The noise wakes me up again. I drag myself out of bed to confront the kid who didn't resist temptation to play the Xbox. I forgot to put the controllers away. He couldn't stop himself.

I send him back to bed and climb back into mine. As I lay there, thoughts race through my head. What else am I missing? What happens if the game isn't all he's looking at? What if a Creeper decides to hunt down my kid?

The icy cold fear shivers through my being as I think of the possible scenarios that could impact any one or all of our three sons. I cry out from my heart: "God, I am SO AFRAID! Why can't I just trust You with them? This hyper-vigilance is going to ruin me and them. I have to sleep!"

I fall into a troubled sleep. Wake up before my alarm, shower, dress, and get to work. 

Fear based parenting never works. Ever. I cannot be AFRAID to make a mistake, let something slip past me or be AFRAID they will make a mistake. It has to happen. 

Some how. Some way. I have to let go. Again.