Using My VOICE

I am coming in to the home stretch of the Five Minute Free Writes for the month of October. Honestly, this has been a good stretch for me mostly because it has forced me to write every day and try to strip down a topic I could write a thousand words on down to what I can type up in 5 minutes. Today's prompt is VOICE.

My VOICE prefers to be used for hope, speaking life, and blessing the people around me. It doesn't always get used for that, but it is definitely my preference and something I work hard to be consistent at.

A few days ago I posted a blog about kids cussing. One I agreed with - about how cussing isn't the ultimate bad words. You can read it here if you are curious (there is cussing in it, so be warned). I had a few friends respond about how cussing isn't good for anyone ever, how it shows a lack of imagination and disrespect. I don't disagree but I also do not intend to spend any time making sure my kids don't cuss.

We believe in teaching our sons how to use their VOICE to stand up for the hurting, speak up for the disrespected and declare the positive perspective. We spend our time focusing on who we want them to become, how we want them to speak and helping them discover their own VOICE in the context of the world today. Spending time on what we "don't" want them to do or become makes the focus on the "not to-s" not the "you are-s"

We have taught them they are Mighty Men called by God to speak life and blessing. This kind of rules out cussing as a regular option by default. They don't always do it. Neither do we. But, for our family, speaking life into our sons is about the you are ______, you can _______, not don't _______.

Mom Speech: Back to School

Did anyone else give a speech this morning before dropping their impressionable youth back in the fishbowls of education? 

I can't be the only one who started with: "Don't be Assholes".

It never would have occurred to me to say that years ago when they first started school.

When our oldest graduated Kindergarten

They started out sweet, kind, innocent little boys who had not been bullied, yelled at, sworn at, talked down to, or generally pushed around in the public arena. Now, after one survived middle school, one is finishing middle school and one is finishing elementary, they have been there, done that and even caused some of it. 

We listened to an audio book on the way home from our road trip yesterday. Everybody Always by Bob Goff was the perfect listen just before school started. Loving people, even when it's hard, not being afraid, and recognizing that everyone comes from a different place and has a different story are excellent reminders before re-entry. 

Now that they have been immersed for years in the group dynamics of academics, relationships, competition, and general bored disrespect they have a choice to make:

They can be kids who put down, bully, and smack talk the people around them or be Mighty Men (I've called them that since they were small.) who speak hope, kindness, and encouragement. They say they want to be Mighty Men but one decision at a time will tell who they choose to become. 

9th, 8th, and 5th grade this year

Some decisions they made this summer weren't consistent with what they've been taught. We've had some pretty intense family discussions and training regarding appropriate respectful behaviors versus generally accepted boy nonsense. 

One of my greatest struggles is wanting to help them determine the best thing to do instead of letting them decide what to do. My Love is much better at this than I am. I recognize they must learn how to succeed and how to fail and recover but I find letting them do that is excruciating! However, this whole parenting thing isn't about me, is it?

Nope. It's about them. Becoming. Growing. Learning. Falling. Getting up. Trying again. 

I can't control their choices anymore (like I ever really could!), so, I remind them they are Mighty Men who can speak hope, kindness, and encouragement to others. And occasionally, I remind them of what they can become if they don't (see above). 

Teaching them to walk and use the potty was frustrating and messy at times and we survived that...