Messy Monday: Midnight Messy, Dressin' Up and Way Beyond Me

Happy Monday! It's late for me to be writing/posting this but I've been wrestling all week with what to say, again. I have lots of material, but I want to stick with the candid transparency I've committed to. 

Midnight Messy: I haven't been sleeping much. The wee hours have been my solace and my thought sorting window. Once everyone goes to bed, I try to get my worries to clear like a passing storm and the stillness of the midnight stars center me to release the fear I've had whirling all day. But, not so much. The tidal wave of the day's stress pours over me. This cloud formation I saw this afternoon was the perfect picture of what it feels like. Except, in it, I can't see the blue sky on the other side. I haven't quite figured out how to navigate this. For now, I pray, read and color in my Bible, and wait. 

Dressin' Up: Our guys have taken to dressing up lately. This is how they dressed for church yesterday and yes, I had to threaten them to get them to smile and play nice for the picture. They are becoming their own men. Choosing to wear ties, nice polos and do their hair. We have never been the "boys in suits and ties" kind of parents. Button ups and good jeans or khakis have been our rule of thumb from the beginning. This is what they want. We don't know exactly who they are becoming but when and where we can we work to support whatever process they are in, now. 

Way Beyond Me: I've said before, this whole parenting thing is frigging hard. 

• Shut up and let them learn from their mistakes, 
• Stay close and hear what's not being said even if the voice yelling at you (yes, that's allowed at our house - shocking for some, volume alone is not an indicator of disrespect in our opinion) is off-loading what seems like nonsense,
• Be present for their process but not control it,
• Listen with my body language - don't fold arms across chest or turn away, stay open, accessible,
• Ask hard questions and be patient if the answer is not what was expected,
• Don't make it about me - impatience and anger are BIG indicators that my discomfort outweighs whatever is going on with them,
• Know it will pass - some of it will be missed, some of it will bring a wave of relief it's over
• Make peace with not having all the answers or doing it "right". 
• SHOW UP - full attention on them, eye contact, SMILE.

I'm in the middle of learning this stuff. I am letting you in on how "Beyond Me" this feels. This song, I sing it almost every day, an anthem to my inadequacy that includes the reminder God is with me in this. WITH us. PRESENT. It's OKAY for most of life to feel like it's way Beyond Me.

Join me. Let me know what you need. We are in this life together. 

ASK - 2 Key Questions for Relationships

Yesterday I wrote about my great friend who says, Talk to me! all the time.

That same friend has taught me and my Love to ASK two questions that changed the way we communicate with each other, our kids and the people around us.

What do you need?

How can I help?

ASKing those questions when someone is stressed, angry, tired, sad, or scared communicate to them they aren't in this situation alone.

For our marriage, it communicates compassion and support. With our kids, it helps them know we hear them and want to be helpful, not against them or dismissive of them. For our friends, it reminds them, we want to be there for them.

One word of caution - Follow through. If they answer the question, be prepared to do what they've asked of you. This will build trust that you really mean what you've said, they aren't in it alone.

Five Minute Friday Free Write number 14!