Five Minute Friday - Pause

Writing again today with the Five Minute Friday gang. It seems to be the best easiest thing to semi-commit to for me these days.

Today's Prompt - Pause

I'm in the second longest Pause of my life. The first was our 9+ years of infertility before we had our first son. 125 days into this migraine is definitely a LONG PAUSE for a headache. Except unlike the Blu-Ray player, "PAUSE" means everything stops. Life doesn't work like that. Not during infertility and not during a migraine.

I've had bright moments - moments of fun or joy in the midst of this. I've had reminders that God is with me and this is not a reflection of His love (or lack of it) for me. This is just life. Being life. In life and living life.

I've had moments to PAUSE and remember that this pain is not the worst thing. I have friends with husbands to died, kids that died, car wrecks that destroyed careers, addictions that have broken relationships and so many more tragedies that could be listed.

This is NOT one of those.

PERSPECTIVE IS EVERYTHING.

When the flood of the pain and disruption of the life I want to live pours through, I have to PAUSE and remember to keep perspective. Find the joy (even if it means goofy unicorn balloons and party supplies for turning 47 today!). Pray for the ones doing even greater battle and press on.

STOP.

Include - Five Minute Friday

I've reheated my coffee for the 27th time, took my vitamins, and now absorbing the foul tasting CBD concentrate that has helped me survive over half of this 116+ day migraine. Yes. Almost four months of a non-stop migraine.

Moving on...

There have been other Five Minute Friday prompts that have stirred more up in me than this word today. But today the urge to write was unquenchable - so I'm doing it.

GO

How do I INCLUDE you in my current season?

Some want to help, some ask how I am, and some wish the pain would just be over so I could move on and they can stop feeling bad for me. Some want to pray for me, in person, laying on hands, anointing with oil and such, but I usually say no.

Don't get me wrong. I love to pray and be prayed for. But, this process/season/pain I'm in is specific, unique and incredibly uncomfortable. It's not that I don't trust the beloved ones who want to pray for me in person. It's that I can't handle the pressure of "are you better yet?" in their eyes after they pray.

So, pray for me, but in your heart, that God would complete this process/season/pain as soon as possible. I am not an endurance person, a marathon, long term-keep pushing forward-don't stop no matter how bad it hurts kind of girl.

I am a sprinter. Go hard. Go fast. Bust it out and get it done. Even if it hurts.

This does not work in this season. My being who I have been is not working anymore. It hasn't for 116+ days.

I have to change - not because I'm bad or doing something wrong, but because there is something more, something different that is happening in me, my family, and friends because of this. I am not a fan, but I am committed to seeing it through.
Ultimately, finally, hopefully I will:

STOP

I realize 5 minutes of writing barely scratches the surface of what I've been going through. If you want me to INCLUDE you in this process I'm in, you are welcome to subscribe to my blog. I don't know when I will write again, but when I do, you'll receive it.

Thanks for your time... now to go reheat my coffee, again.

Motivate - Who or What?

It's time to get back to my keyboard and write with the Five Minute Friday group again.

This week's word: Motivate

I've been pondering what motivates me for weeks, actually, probably years.

Most often I come to the conclusion that I am over-motivated or under-motivated.

Which brings up one of my favorite movie quotes: "If you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, can you ever just be whelmed?" (From Ten Things I Hate About You)

Over-motivated - so passionate about setting and meeting goals, the agenda, and schedules that relationships and people become unwelcome interruptions.

Under-motivated - permanent butt print in the couch, watching fake lives of other people doing things you wish you could but can't find the gumption to do it.

What about being motivated by God? - not by fear, what your family and friends say, the person in the gym says, the shrink on tv says, but by the beat of the Heart of the One who created you?

What if the Great Motivator wants you to BE.

BE honest with yourself that how you feel should not be the only indicator for what you do.

BE wise in your day to day choices on how you spend your time, money and talents.

BE present for your family and friends regardless of whether you know what to contribute.

And my favorite --a quote I found on my friend's Instagram this week:

BE the type of person that no matter where you go or where you are, you always add value to the lives of those around you.

That's the Heartbeat. Jesus added value, contributed His presence, and chose to do what God asked of Him regardless of how He felt.

I will BE motivated by the ultimate Example.