I had to ponder a bit to land on what I wanted to write about on this topic.
Problem: Since I’ve become a Mom I’ve had this “slow down/hurry up tug-of-war in my heart and mind. On one hand I wanted the painful challenges of infancy, toddlerhood, preschool, then school age to move on so my discomfort with that stage would end. But, as I greet the next chapters in my kids lives, I’m taken by surprise - again - this is hard too.
Solution: What’s the RUSH?! Why do I make it about me and MY comfort?! In order to teach them to be present in the moment, I need to do that too. Any days, hard as they may be, cannot be re-captured, they must be savored, discomfort and all. And, when the fun, goofy, moments arrive, and I find myself gut clenched, face hurting, laughing... mark it on the calendar and remind myself --- DON'T RUSH this!
I'm writing with the Five Minute Friday peeps that I adore. What an amazing community to be a part of!
This week's word prompt is LOVED.
This is immediately what came to mind after the month I've had:
This month I've had a lot of opportunities to focus on my faults and shortcomings (I have that opportunity daily, but some months are more intense than others). The specifics are unnecessary to share, but the fact remains - I am changed.
To live LOVED is different than trying to get love. When I live LOVED I don't have expectations of returned love. I don't need it. I already know I am LOVED. When I'm trying to be seen, appreciated, acknowledged, then any attempt others make to love me falls short. No amount of love, time or attention can compensate for the black hole created by my trying to get love and prove that I can or should be LOVED.
These are the opportunities that presented themselves.
To choose anger instead of grace.
To embrace pain instead of hide under the bed with my dog.
To push back on alarm with faith or freak out and go back under the bed.
To let heartbreak submerge me or lean in to the relationship.
To give back what I have been given or withhold in resentment.
To speak freedom and life or shame and condemnation.
Honestly, I did a bit of all of the above. Except climb under the bed - there just isn't room. When I was able to choose (moment by moment) to believe how LOVED I am, I could eventually (I am not perfect!) choose grace, embrace pain, find my faith, lean in, give, and speak life. It wasn't pretty, easy or fun. But, it happened - messy, uncomfortable, and stressful. The challenges remain, but so does my great big God who reminds me through nature, beauty, people, animals, and circumstances beyond my understanding that I am LOVED.
The Five Minute Friday prompt is WOMAN this week and SHE is the first one that came to mind. What I love about her: She doesn't give up.
We are surrounded by Wonder Women. The exhausted mom wandering the grocery store with toddlers hanging from the "car cart". The checker at that same store who has the power to encourage or dissect this dear warrior with a few choice words. The woman in the next aisle who hears the hysterical pleas for cookies (they never beg for carrots do they?) and casts judgement or prays a blessing over the distressed little and the mama.
We have the opportunity to see the Wonder WOMAN in our midst. She's probably not 6'2", a size 0 and dressed in red, white, and blue. She's possibly in yoga pants, a messy bun, yesterday's mascara under her eyes, and stains on her favorite t-shirt. Or she could be rocking the wedge heels, tidy capris, with classy accessories to go with her favorite shirt that makes her feel like a movie star.
Every WOMAN has a hero inside them. We don't know what they've survived, conquered or slogged through in the last 10 minutes, 10 days or 10 years. Let's see them. Encourage them. Remind them not to give up - especially the one in the mirror.
