Messy Monday:Big Purge, Mom's Depression, and Picking Up

Messy Monday includes a lot of mess this week. I have spent huge chunks of time this past week, conquering the stomach flu and a head cold, getting rid of a crazy amount of unnecessary paperwork and purging bins of "special" items.

Big Purge: My sweet Sophie was not grateful for my attention being divided between her and all the stuff. She walked on it, through it, and lay down in the middle of it several times.

Going through old paperwork brings up the past fairly effectively. My letters of recommendation, a letter of termination, an annual report I wrote for the county commissioners, a letter of "forgiveness" from someone who held me responsible for something I didn't do, and medical documentation of my 75 day and 145 day migraines.

There were love notes from my kids, hubby, parents, etc., countless notes I've taken from classes and sermons, certificates of completion, notebooks, journals, and cards - I cannot bring myself to throw cards away. It seems ridiculous. Until I read a letter written by my grandmother when I was in college. She died many years ago. I love seeing her handwriting, hearing her heart for me, and savoring the memories. So, the cards and letters get kept.

Special Items that got tossed- this handmade middle school kiln fired art that hung in my grandparents house from 1982-2017. I took this picture. Then, I threw it away.

And coupons. I am a coupon hoarder. The amount of coupons I have had to throw away because they expired is soooo lame. Like this one...












 Mom's Depression: I found this. I am not sure what kid made this, but, having spent most of their lives battling depression, it makes me sad and blesses me at the same time. Depression is real. It affects the whole family. I ache over the fact that my littles felt like they had to remind me to be happy. But, it was so sweet of them. Many times they comforted me. It's a hard thing to admit or look back on. But, it is their history, their reality, their past. I am glad I finally got the help I needed to make it their past and not their future with me.


Picking Up: See my shoes? My laptop cover? Yeah, I leave them out. My kids don't put their shoes away unless their Dad tells them to. I can't bring myself to always put stuff away. Pathetic but true. When wives complain about how they have to clean up after their husbands all the time, I almost feel bad that my Love is the one who usually picks up after me. Almost.

Pick ONE

Five Minute Friday time! This time last week was beyond rough, but it got better and I used the word from last week - Burden - in my Messy Monday blog. 

This week's prompt is the word ONE. 

I wrote in last weeks Messy Monday about things that you can do when you are struggling and need to get focused on moving forward. But what if even six small phrases or words feels like too much? I have had more times in my life than I can count where even ONE thing feels like too much.

But what if you could pick just ONE thing to focus on. I found this on Facebook and I love it, But even that can seem like too much - especially if you are neck deep in trauma, grief, depression, anger, whatever overwhelming-life-sucking-breath-taking event you are walking through. Just pick ONE thing. If it feels like too much, pick something else. There are no real hard and fast rules to surviving the really hard stuff. Here are two things I do:

1) ONE thing I choose when I am flooded by life stuff -- drink more water. Silly right? Well, I remember as a kid my Mom answered for me to "drink more water" if I questioned her about any ailment. Now it has become a family giggle that I am passing on to my kids. 

2) ONE other thing I've chosen in the past is sleep. Just to make sure I get eight hours of sleep. When I had little kids that wasn't possible -- see solution number ONE. (Wink)

Messy Monday: Goal Setting, Sharing Burdens, and Looking Ahead

This week's Messy Monday will hopefully encourage you as we come into the holidays and begin a new year. You matter to me. That is why I write. Your heart, mind, body, needs are worth investing in. Other's have done it for me, so I write for you.

Goal Setting: I have experienced goal setting with no goals met, some goals met, and all goals met. I have learned over the years a few handy tips I will share with you:

• The 1-3-5 format has been the single most helpful strategy I have ever used. If you want a copy let me know. I learned to use it from my coach and long time dear friend Terry Gurno. 
• Set FUN goals, things that will stretch you in different ways. For example, my last remaining goal for 2018 is to buy a pair of fantastic red shoes. I am not a shoe-a-holic at all and deliberately choosing to buy shoes because I have always wanted a pair, happens to be a stretch for me. 
• Don't wait until January of the new year to set goals. NOW is the best time to not only set them, but achieve them. 

If you want help, I can help you. Most people I know that achieve their goals work hard to do it, have people alongside them helping them reminding them their uniquely crafted purpose can be accomplished by no one else, and every goal set and met makes this happen. 

Sharing Burdens: The messiness of life can make a person feel overwhelmed and overcome by feelings of inadequacy, failure, and insignificance. This can be remedied by sharing your burdens in these ways: 

• Leaning into your faith. Wherever you are in your faith journey, lean in. If your faith is in God, lean there and pray, if it is in yourself, family or friends, lean there, regardless, you can't do it alone. 
• Trusted friends who can handle you speaking out your struggle without judgement and remind you of your value.
• Collaborate with trusted resources. For us, in this season of life (sons in elementary, middle and high school), we work with school administrations, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, and others who have navigated this season ahead of us. 

Don't hold your burdens close to your chest like a hand in poker. Bluffing your way through life or knowing you hold all the cards everyone else needs is equally unhelpful to you and those around you. 

Looking ahead: The rules of horseback riding - Eyes up, shoulders back, heels down. Where you look is where you'll go. My best friend and I went riding together all the time. She rode her quarter horse and I rode her little black Welsh pony named Licorice. That little thing dumped me more than once. Sometimes it was because I was looking down, hunched over, or had my legs bunched up. Sometimes I ended up looking down as I headed face first into the street/dirt/shrubs. Life feels like that, even if you don't have far to fall. 

One of the most powerful things I learned during my years in the saddle was what happens to my body when I look forward. My core holds me upright and centered, while the rest of me settles, softens, and becomes fluid with the movements of the horse. I haven't been in the saddle in years and I still remember that feeling. I use that awareness when dealing with hard things from being in labor, writing, parenting, doing a triathlon, etc.